A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie’s house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn’t find his way home. “Oh Morris”, said grandma, “You’ve been going to that park for over 30 years! How could you get lost?” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn’t hear, Morris whispered, “I wasn’t lost. I was just too tired to walk home.” ===========================

1. Sell…Sell…Sell : I just received this from my stock broker. Do you hold any of following stocks? Dear Sir: We have been informed that you hold shares in the following companies: American Can Co

Interstate Water Co.

National Gas Co.

Northern Tissue Co. Due to the uncertain market conditions, at this present time, we advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean. =========================== One-Liners : If all is not lost, where is it? A little lie is like a little pregnancy it doesn’t take long before everyone knows. If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them. I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I’d be gone. I said, “The whole time.” The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress. Diamonds are a girl’s best friends. Dogs are man’s best friend. So which is more intelligent ? Those who say they “sleep like a baby” obviously haven’t got one. =========================== A hunter walking through the jungle, found a huge, dead dinosaur, with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked, “Did you kill that?” The pigmy said, “Yes.” The hunter asked, “How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?” The pigmy said, “I killed it with my club.” The astonished hunter asked, “How big is your club?” The pigmy replied, “There are about two hundred of us.” =========================== A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?” “Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?” “The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'”