Biblidue: The build-up of bookmarks, bulletins, notes, and other miscellanea that collects in one’s Bible.

Clivaholic: One who can no longer control the compulsion to quote C.S. Lewis in every sermon, lesson, or conversation.

Hymnastics: The entertaining body language of the song leader.

Narthexegesis: Unsolicited post-sermon commentary given the preacher by armchair biblical theologians.

Pewtrify: To occupy a precise spot in the sanctuary for more than 15 years without once showing signs of sentient life.

Ministereotype: A common myth or misconception about any ordained person.

Deaconscript: An unwilling church officer cajoled into a position of leadership.

Hi-litaholic: One who cannot resist highlighting Bible verses until the entire volume is a multihued mass of Day-Glo vibrancy.

Hymnprovisation: The abrupt and unannounced transition from one song to another, usually a chorus unfamiliar to most present.

Proliferation: An abundance of anti-abortion activists.

Pulpituitary: That phenomenon familiar to those seated on the front pew, during which a preacher produces hazardous conditions with alliterative Ps.