Two older gentleman were talking and one said to the other, “You’re having an anniversary soon, right?” The other replied, “Yup, a big one… 20 years.” “Wow,” said the other, “what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?” The other replied, “We’re going on a trip to Australia.” “Wow, Australia, that’s some gift!” said the other man. “That’s going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?” “Go back and get her.”

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Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger brother Ho-Chin. But I’m pretty sure it’s Calvin.

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The young mother was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I want you to start taking regularly.”

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?”

“Oh, yes” the mother answered. “They do wonders for me.”

“And how is your son now?” he asked.

“Who cares?” she replied.

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One-Liners :

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

A clear conscience is indicative of a faulty memory.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

“Captain, I cannot believe my ears!” – Spock

If you live to the age of a hundred you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred. — George Burns

WE have 35 million laws to enforce the Ten Commandments.

Trying to squash a rumor is like trying to unring a bell.

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.

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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?” To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL.”

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http://www.gift4grandchildren.com

http://www.ishopint.com/mall.asp?ID=shoponline

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If you would like to be included on my “clean humor” list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with “=Include Me=” as the Subject. I do not write the jokes. I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is good for the immune system.

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