On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping. (That’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

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On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

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On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be???….)

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On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s just a suggestion.)

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On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom)
— “Do not turn upside down.” (well…duh, a bit late, huh!)

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On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after heating.” (…and you thought????…)

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On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me time?)

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On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

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On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (…I’m taking this because???.)

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On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to what?)

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On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)

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On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash)

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On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: say what?)

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On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

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On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.” (Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)