And then of course there was the convention in Spain where 30 representatives of the Basque community were staying in a posh hotel. Unfortunately there was a fire alarm while they were there, and they all tried to leave at the same time and got stuck in the revolving door, leading to their demise from suffocation.

Which just goes to show that you shouldn’t put all your Basques in one exit.

*** The composer Handel once sent out one of his minions to find out if a young lady he fancied, a certain Miss Knott,was any good. The minion returned saying that she was only interested in relationships with people of her own gender and she was also a bit dim. He told to Handel’ The gay Miss Knott were thick Handel’.

(‘The game is not worth the candle’)

***

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” “But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!”

Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

***

And also this:

Son asked his mother the following question: ‘Mom, why are wedding dresses white?’ The mother looks at her son and replies, ‘Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.’ The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father. ‘Dad why are wedding dresses white?’ The father looks at his son in surprise and says, ‘Son, all household appliances come in white.’