QUIZMANIA (ITV)

Greg Scott: We’re looking for an occupation beginning with ‘T’. Contestant: Doctor. Scott: No, it’s ‘T’. ‘T’ for Tommy. ‘T’ for Tango. Contestant: Oh, right . . . (pause) … . . Doctor.

DANNY KELLY SHOW (RADIO WM)

Kelly: Which French Mediterranean town hosts a famous film festival every year? Contestant: I don’t know, I need a clue. Kelly: OK. What do beans come in? Contestant: Cartons?

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn’t my strong point. Theakston: There’s a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester.

BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don’t know. White: I’ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm. White: Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re … . .? Contestant: Strong. White: Correct – and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name? Contestant: Louis. White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don’t know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris.

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’? Contestant: Homosexuals. Paxman: No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON)

DJ Mark: For Pounds 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

THE WEAKEST LINK Anne Robinson: In traffic, what ‘J’ is where two roads meet? Contestant: Jool carriageway?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi’s first name? Contestant: Goosey?

GWR FM (Bristol)

Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then.

RTE RADIO 2FM (IRELAND)

Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The …? Caller: Mohicans.

QUIZMANIA Greg Scott: We’re looking for a word that goes in front of ‘clock’. Contestant: Grandfather. Scott: Grandfather clock is already up there, say something else. Contestant: Panda.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER)

Phil: What’s 11 squared? Contestant: I don’t know. Phil: I’ll give you a clue. It’s two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? A: Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er . . . Leslie: He makes bread .. . Contestant: Er . . . Leslie: He makes cakes .. . Contestant: Kipling Street?

MAGIC 52 (NORTHEAST ENGLAND)

Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated? Contestant: Erm .. . Presenter: Well, let’s put it this way – he didn’t see 1964. Contestant: 1965?

SIMPLY THE BEST (ITV)

Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held? Contestant: Six. Tufnell: Higher! Contestant: Five.

FORT BOYARD (CHALLENGE TV)

Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word – CHED and PIT. Team: Chedpit.

LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain.

RADIO 1 EARLY MORNING SHOW Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total? Contestant: 23.

NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ (BBC RADIO NOTTINGHAM) Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest? Contestant (long pause): Er, it’s not in Scotland, is it?

THE MICK GIRDLER SHOW (BBC RADIO SOLENT)

Girdler: I’m looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter ‘e’. Contestant: Ghana. Girdler: No, listen. It’s an island in the Atlantic Ocean. Contestant: New Zealand.

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question: What is the world’s largest continent? Contestant: The Pacific

ROCK FM (PRESTON)

Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci. Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918? Contestant: Magna Carta.

JAMES O’BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

O’Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth … er … er … three?

NATIONAL LOTTERY Eamonn Holmes: There are three states of matter: solid, liquid and what? Contestant: Jelly.

RICHARD ALLINSON SHOW (RADIO 2)

Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory? Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg’s?

BLIND DATE (ITV)

Girl: Name a book written by Jane Austen. Boy: Charlotte Bronte.

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)

Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er . . . Mexico?

DOG EAT DOG (BBC1)

Ulrika Jonsson: Who wrote Lord of the Rings? Contestant: Enid Blyton

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)

Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last? Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.

NATIONAL LOTTERY Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing . … what? Contestant: Basketball.

NOTTS AND CROSSES QUIZ Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place? Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor?

DARYL DENHAM’S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Denham (helpfully): It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel? Contestant: No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Wood: What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er . . . Wood: It’s got two syllables . . . Kor . . . Contestant: Blimey? Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . .. . Contestant: (Silence)

Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . Contestant: Walked?

NATIONAL LOTTERY Dale Winton: Skegness is a seaside resort on the coast of which sea:a)

Irish Sea, b) English Channel, c) North Sea? Contestant: Oh, I know that, you can start writing out the cheque now, Dale. It’s on the east coast, so it must be the Irish Sea.

THE VAULT Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time? Contestant: Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes? Contestant: Jewish. Presenter: That’s close enough.

BREAKFAST SHOW, RADIO 1 Chris Moyles: Which ‘S’ is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes? Contestant: Ummm .. . Moyles: It begins with ‘S’ and rhymes with ‘perm’. Contestant: Shark.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus.