1. A bike can’t stand alone because it is two-tyred.

2. A will is a dead giveaway, but where there’s a will, there are usually lots of relatives.

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off. (This was a snap decision, which meant that he didn’t get the opportunity to tell her about his cedar chest!)

5. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

6. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

7. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

8. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

9. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered. Tragically, his mate fell into a vat of varnish. He died, but he had a beautiful finish.

10. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

11. Many people break into song because they can’t find the key.

12. A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine.

13. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

14. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

15. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

16. When you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

17. Anyone who jumps off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

18. When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.

19. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

20. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

But to add a more spiritual tone, a prison chaplain was on his first visit to a new detention centre in the Appalachians, where he met an old hillbilly. The hillbilly introduced himself as Joshua. The chaplain tried to break the ice: “Are you the Joshua who made the sun stand still?” “No pastor, I’m the Joshua who made the moonshine still!”