(1) Why am I a brainless fool? I haven’t a clue.

(2) Why are you a brainless fool? You tell me.

(3) In the Land of the Loons is Half-Wit king? No, the Complete Idiot is.

(4) Did they lock you up ‘cos you spoke to God? No, because He replied.

(5) Why do you talk to yourself? I like intelligent conversation.

(6) How do you know Humans are mad? They call themselves Homo Sapiens.

(7) I’m Napoleon! How d’ya know? God told me! (voice from next bed): I did NOT!

(8) All the World is Mad, except for Me and Thee – and even Thee is a little odd.

(9) What is a Fossil Fool? Don’t you mean Fossil Fuel? No. It is someone who digs up coal, uses it at fastest possible rate, until all gone – and calls this: Economics.

(10) Why do you dub Homo Sapiens – the Mad Ape? Because He’s hurtling towards Extinction, but thinks being hyper-active is Progress.

(11) How long did the dinosaurs live on Earth? Millions of years. How did they die out? Nature killed them off. How long has Mankind lived on Earth? About one million years. How will we die? By our own hand. And we laugh at the dinosaurs?

(12) When the Human Race becomes extinct, will it need an Epitaph? No, because there’ll be nobody to read it – and Other Species will probably be glad we’ve gone.