The Lone Ranger and Tonto were hot on the trail of some desperados.

After a hard days riding, the light was getting too bad for Tonto to follow the trail, so they set up camp for the night.

At day break, Tonto got up and started brewing the breakfast coffee.

The Lone Ranger stretched and rolled out of his blanket and called to his faithful companion.

“I think I’ll have bacon and eggs for breakfast”

“Kimosabe – we have eggs, but no bacon.”

“No problem, ” said the Lone Ranger, scanning the horizon

“If you follow the trail just over yonder ridge, you’ll find a Bacon tree in the gully on the left.”

“Kimosabe, I hate to tell you this, but Bacon does not grow on trees.”

“Tonto, my faithful companion. There is a Bacon tree in that gully. If you go now, you can be back in 20 minutes, we can have finished breakfast and struck camp by the time there is enough light to follow the trail, now go quickly.”

“Kimosabe, my tribe have hunted this land for hundreds of generations.

There are no Bacon trees here.”

“Tonto, I don’t want to tell you again. Go to the gully and get me some Bacon.”

Resignedly Tonto decides to humour the great white pillock and at least ride over the ridge and back.

He throws a blanket over his horse and leaps astride the poor animal and gallops off, muttering under his breath…..

The Lone Ranger sits down to drink his coffee and clean his Pearl handled Colts.

As the sun climbs higher, and Tonto is still not back, the Lone Ranger pulls out his trusty Winchester Under-lever rifle and sets about stripping and cleaning that.

An hour later, the Lone Ranger gets up and scans the horizon, searching for sign of the surly Tonto, but seeing nothing sits down to polish his spurs.

After another hour, the Lone Ranger is getting seriously concerned by Tontos’ disapearance and decides to take a ride over and see where he has got to and what he has been doing all this time.

He saddles up Silver and sets off at a brisk trot down the trail that Tonto took early that morning.

After a few minutes he sees a small cloud of dust and an untidy lump in the middle of the trail.

The Lone Ranger races forward to find his faithful companion battered and bleeding, stuck through with about twenty arrows, crawling towards him.

“Tonto my faithful friend -what on earth happened?”

The Lone Ranger leaps from his horse and rushes to Tonto’s aid. As he raises his water bottle to Tonto’s lips, Tonto beckons him closer and croaks, . . “Kimosabe…..Was not Bacon Tree…………Was Ham Bush.”