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TODAYS RIDDLE :

What does this rebus represent?

ABDFGHJKLMNOPQRSUVXYZ

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x Here it comes

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“Twice removed”

The letters “T W I C E” have been removed from the alphabet; hence the phrase.

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Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he’d been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.

That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.

He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position.

Hopkins wrote, “The climate didn’t agree with me.”

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When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed.

“Good heavens,” he said, “what is this?”

“Why, it’s bean soup,” she replied.

“I don’t care what it’s been,” he replied. “What is it now?”

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While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Central high school. “Yes,” he replied. “When did you graduate?” I asked. He answered, “In 1952.” “Why, you were in my class!” I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, “What did you teach?”

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One-Liners ——————- Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

I’m trying to invent a microwave television so that I can watch “Gone With the Wind” in only 30 minutes.

One half the world doesn’t understand the other half and it doesn’t matter which half you’re in.

A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn’t understand two things: 1 – Women, 2 – Fractions

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A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. “Who did you see before coming to me?” asked the specialist. “My local General Practitioner,” said the patient. “Your GP?” scoffed the doctor. “What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?” And the patient said, “He told me to come and see you.” ===========================

I’m selling my vacation time share condo in Massanutten, Virginia. It’s week #33, sleeps 8, with a whirlpool tub and a sauna room.

Email me if interested and I’ll send my telephone #.

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If you would like to be included on my “clean humor” list, send a blank email to jhmaida[at]hotmail.com with “=Include Me=” as the Subject. I do not write the jokes. I only pass on the ones I think are funny. Laughter is good for the immune system.

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