1. PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It
warns you of impending hard disk attack — once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

2. POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a “virus,” but instead
refers to itself as an “electronic microorganism.”

3. OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. Also tries to take over all media on your computer.

4. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

5. GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.

6. 2012 VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really
uncomfortable just thinking about it.

7. FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

8. GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of
their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
error).

9. TIGER WOODS VIRUS: Corrupts 121 different files on your hard drive while claiming to be corrupt just one.

10. TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.

11. ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

12. MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS: Hard to identify because it is constantly
altering its appearance. This virus won’t harm your PC, but your nose may
fall off.

13. PARLIAMENTARY VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

14. AIRLINE VIRUS: You’re in England, but your data is in Singapore.

15. FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with its own motherboard.

16. ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self
destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across
rural America.

17. NIKE VIRUS: Just Does It!

18. STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

19. HEALTHCARE VIRUS: Will take your anti-virus software and share it with any other PC’s in the neighborhood that lack protection.

20. GEORGE W. BUSH VIRUS: No one knows what this virus does as it is
completely unintelligible.