Sophie Scott (2008) Crying Scarlet Tears-My journey through Self Harm (U.K: Monarch Books) pp.154

The issue of self harming by adolescents is not something I ¢â‚¬â„¢ve come across much over the years and when I did it was while serving as a Chaplain in a state government secondary college. In this book we witness a compelling, highly articulate and insightful story by the author of her journey with self harming behaviours from her early teen years into young adulthood. What makes it equally compelling is that she walked that journey as a Christian with a vital faith who was active in her youth group and local Church and is now working as a paid church based youth minister.

What did I learn? Firstly, self harming for Sophie was  ¢â‚¬Ëœaddictive ¢â‚¬â„¢ in the way it worked and deeply compulsive patterns emerged over the years that she was often unable to control. Secondly, the importance of both regular professional counseling in concert with supportive Christian peers and an older female mentor figure provided the ongoing and necessary pastoral care and support she needed.

Finally, as her story unfolded, a profound level of insight emerged when she recalled lengthy incidents of  ¢â‚¬Ëœsexual abuse ¢â‚¬â„¢ by a female relative that commenced when she was a very young girl that continued until she turned twelve. Repressed and painful memories came into her consciousness as a seventeen year old leaving her feeling disassociated and fragile in the extreme. Those who do self harm use it as a means to express deep anguish, painful emotions, guilt and self loathing. For Sophie she had discovered the roots of her own self harming behaviours.

She writes in the concluding chapter,  ¢â‚¬Å“I wish I could end this book by saying that I am sure I will never hurt myself again.  ¢â‚¬ ¦ ¢â‚¬ ¦ ¢â‚¬ ¦.I may always be a self-harmer, that is, I may always have some amount of desire to hurt myself when things get bad, but that doesn ¢â‚¬â„¢t necessarily mean that I will. Whenever I start to feel down, or question God ¢â‚¬â„¢s love for me, I try to read a Psalm or two. ¢â‚¬  After quoting Psalm 121 she writes,  ¢â‚¬Å“As I ¢â‚¬â„¢ve gradually tried to come to terms with my past and understand more of God ¢â‚¬â„¢s grace, my desire to hurt myself has diminished. One day that desire may be so small that it disappears for ever. What I know for sure is that God is good, loving and forgiving, and I know he ¢â‚¬â„¢s never going to give up on me. ¢â‚¬ 

The book concludes with an appendix containing many helpful websites and phone numbers which are all U.K based. The site www.headspace.org.au contains some very helpful material from an Australian youth mental health perspective.

Rev David Fuller
NW Region Youth Officer
28 October 2010