November 11, 2010

Uniting Church Moderator the Rev. Niall Reid has encouraged church members to observe Forget-me-knot Day, November 12, when Australians show their support for the more than two million adult survivors of childhood abuse.

In addition to sending information to Uniting Church ministers with suggested liturgies (see below), Mr Reid has participated in a preparatory service at South Sydney Uniting Church, also attended by the Premier, Christina Keneally.

Mr Reid said,  ¢â‚¬Å“I find the abuse of children almost impossible to comprehend and I do not think I can even begin to imagine the impact of such abuse on a person ¢â‚¬â„¢s life.

 ¢â‚¬Å“The effects of abuse are akin to some sort of awful, undeserved and life-long lingering curse upon a child ¢â‚¬â„¢s life. I believe Jesus calls us to provide children with lives full of blessing.

 ¢â‚¬Å“Let us take the opportunity to support those who are surviving child abuse and give them some hope of (re)discovering that stolen blessing. ¢â‚¬ 

Forget-me-knot Day is an initiative of ASCA (Adults Surviving Child Abuse), the key organisation advancing the needs of adults who have experienced child abuse, and a further eight million directly affected by it.

The knot in Forget-me-knot Day is symbolic of the  ¢â‚¬Å“tangle ¢â‚¬  of childhood abuse, which for this largely ignored group is often a lifelong challenge to unravel.

ASCA is calling on all Australians to donate and help adult survivors to reconnect with their families, friends and the community, by buying a  tangled knot.

This year ¢â‚¬â„¢s events will feature a range of activities throughout the week commencing November 12, including:

• a call on all Australians to donate and help adult survivors reconnect with their families, friends and the community.
• the unravelling of a mammoth knot on historic buildings such as Hyde Park Barracks and a number of churches;
• Sexual Assault Summit on November, an initiative of SCAA, will feature a selection of the world ¢â‚¬â„¢s foremost experts on child abuse, sexual assault, clergy abuse and mental health. The event will highlight the prevalence of abuse in society, debating the difficulties of disclosure and ways in which society can ameliorate the topic. The role of both the church and clergy will be a key focus to be discussed by survivor specialists including the Rev. Tom Doyle, Dr Cathy Kezelman and Dr Jodi Death;
• the anniversary of the Federal Government apology to more than 500,000 forgotten Australians on November 16, 2009;
• the inaugural Australasian Clergy Abuse Reparation and Prevention Forum (ACARP) on November 12;
• a call to all Australian politicians in State and Federal Parliament to support the day by wearing a tangled knot;
• combined media events with other child abuse organisations;
• the South Sydney Uniting Church in Waterloo will hold a special service of prayers for survivors of abuse on Sunday, November 14; and
• a photographic competition.

Register  for Forget-me-knot Day activities, including faith-based services and the photographic competition.

A minute ¢â‚¬â„¢s silence

Of particular relevance to Christians is Adults Surviving Child Abuse (ASCA), Survivors of Clergy Abuse Australia (SCAA) and The Alliance for Forgotten Australians call on churches to participate in the Forget-Me-Knot weekend  ¢â‚¬” November 12, 13 and 14  ¢â‚¬” with a special ceremony and minute ¢â‚¬â„¢s silence.

The organisations hope the call will help break the silence around child abuse within all religious environments and to reconnect survivors with their families, friends and communities.

ASCA believes the participation and recognition of the church is essential to the healing process of many victims. The small yet powerful commitment will help to break down taboos that surround this often silenced topic.

Dr Kezelman said acknowledging the pain, suffering and often life long struggle adult survivors experience is critical to their healing.

 ¢â‚¬Å“Many people find the trauma of childhood abuse difficult to comprehend and even more difficult to talk about. This small yet powerful commitment by churches and their communities will help to break down the taboos around this topic. For most survivors, the rehabilitation process begins when their child abuse is acknowledged.

 ¢â‚¬Å“While some survivors show remarkable resilience, most carry the scars of childhood abuse well into their adult life. It can certainly affect a survivor ¢â‚¬â„¢s connection to communities of trust such as churches.

 ¢â‚¬Å“The minute ¢â‚¬â„¢s silence aims to reconnect those affected by abuse with those around them as well as highlight the responsibility religious communities hold towards their youth. ¢â‚¬ 

ASCA, SCAA and The Forgotten Australians have united to give weight to the call, emphasising the need for acknowledgment and responsibility in clubs, groups, institutions and organisations.

SCAA Founder Nikki Wells said,  ¢â‚¬Å“Every day more victims of clergy abuse are disclosing their childhood horrors decades after it occurred. The community at large needs to acknowledge these people in the community, and a minute ¢â‚¬â„¢s silence will go a long way to showing that Australians care about those whose childhoods were tragically devastated. ¢â‚¬ 

Alliance for Forgotten Australians ¢â‚¬â„¢ Chair, Caroline Carroll, said,  ¢â‚¬Å“Child abuse leads to isolation, confusion and self-blame. As a community, we need to support these survivors, to believe them and to embrace them. ¢â‚¬ 

Scars of abuse

According to ASCA, one in three girls and one in six boys in Australia is sexually abused before the age of 18.

ASCA Chairperson, Dr Cathy Kezelman, said,  ¢â‚¬Å“As a society we can forget that abused children grow up. While some survivors show remarkable resilience, most survivors carry the scars of childhood abuse into their adult lives. The tragedy of abuse also has a significant impact on their families, their partners and their community, all of whom require awareness, understanding and support.

 ¢â‚¬Å“Many people find the trauma of childhood abuse difficult to comprehend, so it is often ignored. This silence and shame can mean that untangling the knot of childhood abuse is a solitary, confusing and complex task. ¢â‚¬ 

Dr Kezelman said,  ¢â‚¬Å“Forget-me-knot Day aims to encourage a national conversation supporting survivors to overcome their trauma and sense of shame about their abuse, by creating a more accepting and open environment around the topic. ¢â‚¬ 

Statistics on child abuse in Australia:

• More than eight million Australian community members are directly affected by child abuse. In a population of 22 million, this is a staggering figure.
• In Australia, one in three girls and one in six boys is sexually abused before the age of eighteen.
• In 2008 an Australian University-initiated study of over 21,000 older Australians, the largest of its kind to date, found that over 13% reported having been sexually or physically abused in childhood. These figures did not include those emotionally abused or neglected or forced to live with family violence.
• In an earlier study from 2005, a personal safety survey conducted by the Australian Bureau of Statistics, 18% of people over 18 reported having experienced physical or sexual abuse before the age of 15. Emotional abuse, neglect and being forced to live with family violence were excluded.

Ignoring this health issue has a societal and economic cost, as the following statistics illustrate:

• 76% of women and 72% of men with severe mental illness have been abused.
• 80-85% of women in Australian prisons are victims of incest or other types of abuse.

About ASCA

ASCA is a charity which focuses exclusively on advancing the needs of the more than two million Australian adults surviving child abuse.

ASCA was formed in 1995 and its current activities encompass a 1300 information/support line  ¢â‚¬” 1300 657 380  ¢â‚¬” website, newsletters for survivors and health professionals, workshops for survivors and their supporters, education and training programs for health care professionals and frontline workers.

ASCA works to empower survivors, while also establishing a healthy support network. With the right kind of help and support, survivors can find their way through the tangle of child abuse and find a sense of health and wellbeing.

Listening, understanding and supporting are critical to the healing process.

For 15 years, ASCA has provided support for those who have suffered abuse in the past and are struggling with its effects in the present. ASCA is a core part of the solution, delivering evidence-based workshops to adult survivors, and training workshops for health practitioners.

ASCA is currently developing a national network of services and practitioners with the experience and expertise to specifically address survivors ¢â‚¬â„¢ needs. ASCA is the key national Australian organisation to support adults who have experienced all forms of child abuse and neglect, and receives no ongoing government funding.

Twitter: @ascaorg  http://www.flickr.com/photos/forgetmeknotday/

ASCA worship resources

ASCA has developed an  information pack  which includes background information, a number of personal stories and a set of intercessory prayers. The prayers speak in four voices: Grieving, Confessing, Beseeching and Hoping.

This pack is intended as a guide and may be used in part or whole on the day.

South Sydney worship resources

Child Abuse (Sunday November 15, 2009). Prepared by Heather Robinson and Andrew Collis (South Sydney Uniting Church, Waterloo NSW).

Hymn suggestion: Together in Song TIS 682  ¢â‚¬ËœWhen human voices cannot sing ¢â‚¬â„¢ verses 1-3

PRAYERS OF INTERCESSION

First Voice: Grieving

Creator God,

We grieve with those who cannot be comforted.

Provoke us to outrage, O God,

that your children have been violated,

that we have been deaf to their cries,

slow to react,

paralysed by disbelief

and complicit in evil.

Why, God?

Why did this happen?

We grieve with the one who cries,

 ¢â‚¬Å“For as long as I remember, I ¢â‚¬â„¢ve been hurting ¢â‚¬ . [i]

We grieve every instance of child sexual abuse,

emotional abuse and neglect,

physical and spiritual abuse.

We grieve that these wounds are carried into adulthood.

We grieve that these wounds are sometimes fatal.

Where were you, God?

Where are you now?

In spite of our grieving

we believe in justice,

and we call for help.

(Silence)

Second Voice: Confessing

We confess, O God,

that sometimes the Church has not been a safe place.

The Church has been the abuser.

The Church has failed to provide comfort and protection.

The Church has perpetuated hurts

and has not taken responsibility for its actions.

We are the Church.

Shake us, O God, and remake us.

We confess that too often our teaching on sexuality

has produced hypocrisy, immaturity and deceit.

We are the Church.

Shake us, O God, and remake us.

(Silence)

Third Voice: Beseeching

God of compassion,

Hear the prayers of those who call to you.

(Silence)

Gentle Spirit, Power of God,

We pray healing for all the damage done.

Heal the shame, heal the fear,

heal anxiety, heal depression

and heal despair.

In the name of Christ,

the wounded one.

We know that evil is real.

We know that children are at risk this very day.

Protect them.

Help us to trust again.

Help us to be trustworthy.

In the name of Christ,

the wounded one.

Bring those who have abused others

to a willingness to admit their wrongs

and an openness to living their lives in a new way.

In the name of Christ,

the wounded one.

Spirit of wholeness,

We are all affected.

Fill our lives with new courage

and make us a community where justice can happen.

In the name of Christ,

the healer.

Helper Spirit,

We pray for carers and friends

of those who have been harmed.

May they receive the understanding they need,

the support they need,

the rest they need.

In the name of Christ,

the healer.

When we reach out helping hands

may our touch be always respectful.

(Silence)

Fourth Voice: Hoping

God, you promise to answer our prayers,

You store our tears in a jar,

you keep a record of our sleepless nights. [ii]

We won ¢â‚¬â„¢t give up.

Giver of life,

In you we hope.

We are thankful for all the brave people

who have told their stories of abuse,

and mindful of those who are silent.

We are thankful for all those who have listened  ¢â‚¬“

advocates, health professionals,

support agencies, social services,

neighbours, friends, churches  ¢â‚¬“

and mindful that sometimes disclosures have not been well received.

We are thankful for anyone or anything

that has helped a victim of abuse to survive,

and mindful that sometimes there is not adequate help available.

Giver of life,

In you we hope.

God of Resurrection,

Your rule of love renews the earth.

In your name we take part in that renewal.

By your grace we commit

to listening to stories of abuse

and to restoring the fortune and rights

of those who have been abused, ostracised, betrayed.

We commit to maintaining our churches as safe places,

and, in the context of a shared struggle for justice,

to reforming our traditions,

our policies, practices and celebrations.

Giver of life,

In you we hope  ¢â‚¬“

The One who makes the dry bones to live. [iii]Amen.

The One who makes the wilderness to bloom. [iv]Amen.

The One who brings life out of the void. [v]Amen.

Hymn suggestion: TIS 683  ¢â‚¬ËœGod! When human bonds are broken ¢â‚¬â„¢

[i] Psalm 88:15.

[ii] Psalm 56:8.

[iii] Ezekiel 37:10.

[iv] Isaiah 41:18.

[v] Genesis 1:2.

Resource: Marie M. Fortune and Joretta Marshall (eds),  Forgiveness & Abuse: Jewish & Christian reflections, The Haworth Pastoral Press, New York, 2002.

http://www.insights.uca.org.au/news/2010/forget-me-knot-day_11-11-2010.htm