Ventriloquist and the Blonde

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show at the Crown Casino.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blond jokes when a blond woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting!

“I’ve heard enough of your stupid blond jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?”

“What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blonds, but women in general…and all in the name of humour!”

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to personally apologise, when the blond yells –

“You stay out of this!! I’m talking to that little idiot on your lap!!”

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A redhead went to the doctor and said, “Doctor, I hurt everywhere.” Then, using her finger to point out the spots, she said, “I hurt here, and here, and here, and here, and here.” After examining her the doctor said, you’re not really a redhead, are you?”

“Why no,” she said, “I’m really a blond. How did you know?”

“Because, your finger is broken.”

~~~~

AN UNEXPLODED LETTER BOMB IN A BOX OF SCRABBLE WAS INTERCEPTED BY POLICE YESTERDAY, WHO SAID THAT IF IT HAD GONE OFF IT WOULD HAVE SPELT DISASTER.

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A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a
painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden
of Eden.

“Look at their reserve, their calm,” muses the Brit.
“They must be British.”

“Nonsense,” the Frenchman disagrees. “They’re
naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French.”

“No clothes, no shelter,” the Russian points out,
“they have only an apple to eat, and they’re being
told this is paradise. They are Russian.”

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Top This One for A Speeding Ticket

Two California Highway Patrol Officers were
conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just
north of the Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar.
One of the officers was using a hand held radar
device to check speeding vehicles approaching the
crest of a hill.

The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar
gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer
attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset
and then turned off. Just then a deafening roar over
the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked
on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in
a low flying exercise near the location.

Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain
fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander.

The reply came back in true USMC style:

Thank you for your letter. We can now complete
the file on this incident.

You may be interested to know that the tactical
computer in the Hornet had detected the presence
of, and subsequently locked on to your hostile radar
equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal
back to it, which is why it shut down.

Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the
fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on
to your equipment location. Fortunately, the Marine
Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for
what it was, quickly responded to the missile system
alert status and was able to override the automated
defence system before the missile was launched to
destroy the hostile radar position.

The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when
cussing at them, since the video systems on these
jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the officer
holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check
his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose.
Also, the snap is broken on his holster.

Thank you for your concern.

Semper Fi