A man walked up to a school and said "can you teach me to read and write"

The administrator said, "Yes we can"! Just fill out this form."

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The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff

broken down by age and sex.  

The personnel office sent this reply...

"Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex.

However, we have a few alcoholics."

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A teacher was asked to fill out a special questionnaire for the state.

One question said, "Give two reasons for entering the teaching profession."

The teacher wrote, "July and August."

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A French man nearly got away with stealing a number of paintings from the Louvre.

However, after planning the robbery and getting in and out and past security,

he was captured only three blocks away when his Econoline ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error,

he replied, "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

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Points to Ponder

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the

fast people always end up behind you.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

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The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said,

"You know I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" asked the woman

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."