A man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. ‘Tie me up,’ she purred, ‘and you can do anything you want.’

So he tied her up and went golfing.

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Momma said …

I was nearing the final stages of my college preparation to become an elementary school teacher. During my Junior Year we were required to visit several classrooms of varying grades to get a feel for what we were getting ourselves into.

Males in elementary education are a rarity and I soon learned that the children thought it was really neat to see a male at school that was not the principal. I will never forget my first visit to a kindergarten class room. These little tots were dying to ask me questions and tell me things about themselves.

One little boy raised his hand and I went over to him. He VERY seriously said, “My granddaddy is going to kill himself.”

Caught COMPLETELY off guard, I struggled for what to say to him. I finally managed, “I’m sure he’s not gonna kill himself.”

He replied, “Oh yes he is…Momma said if he doesn’t quit lifting things that are too heavy, he’s gonna kill himself.”

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Thoughts On Aging

– The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

– You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.

– You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

– The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

– It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.

– You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

– Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

– When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

– You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can’t remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

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The Happy Groom
“Congratulations my boy!” said the groom’s uncle. “I’m sure you’ll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life.”

“But I’m not getting married until tomorrow,” protested his nephew.

“I know,” replied the uncle. “That’s exactly what I mean.”

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Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild’s birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers.

“I’m a grandmother!” I declared. “It’s a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds.”

“When was she born?” someone asked.

Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, “Tomorrow!”

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