Medical Error

At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax.

One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained.

When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, “So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?”

“Well, I suppose,” she replied, “I’m still cooking it.”

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Working Man Blues

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned … couldn’t concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so …they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because …it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that …was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but …I just couldn’t cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef — figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just …didn’t have the thyme.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I…couldn’t cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found …I wasn’t noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I…didn’t have any patients.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I …just didn’t fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I …couldn’t live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I …tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool-maintenance company, but the work was …just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I …wasn’t up to it.

So then I got a job in a fitness-center, but they said I …wasn’t fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking and I …was discharged.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was …no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it …was always the same old grind.

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This guy’s wife asks, “Honey if I died would you remarry?”

He replies, “Well, after a considerable period of grieving, we all need companionship, I guess I would.”

She says, “If I died and you remarried, would she live in this house?”

He replies, “We’ve spent a lot of time and money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house, I guess she would.”

So she asks, “If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, would she sleep in our bed?”

And he says, “That bed is brand new, we just paid two thousand dollars for it, it’s going to last a long time, I guess she would.”

So she asks, “If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house, and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?”

And he says, “Oh no, she’s left handed.”

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Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their lunches. Then the bartender says, “Sorry, but you can’t eat your own food in here.” So the two guys look at each other and swap lunches.

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A young woman really thought she’d been very patient, through a long period of dating with no talk of marriage.

One night her steady boyfriend took her out to a Chinese restaurant. As he looked over the menu, he casually asked her, “So… how do you want your rice? plain or fried?”

Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and replied…. “Thrown.”

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