A Baptist preacher went to visit a member of the community and invited
him to come to church Sunday morning. It seems that this man was a
producer of fine peach brandy, and told the preacher that he would
attend his church IF the pastor would drink some of his brandy and admit
doing so in front of his congregation. The preacher agreed and drank up.

Sunday morning the man visited the church. The preacher recognized the
man from the pulpit and said: “I see Mr. Johnson is here with us
this morning. I want to thank him publicly for his hospitality this week
and especially for the peaches he gave me and the spirit in which they
were given.”

==================

I asked my golf caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes
later with a ham on rye.

==================

I saw a billboard yesterday that said:

Need help? Call Jesus.
1-800-555-HELP

Out of curiosity, I did.

Pretty soon this very nice Hispanic man showed up with a tow truck!

==================

Divorce Court
“Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the
divorce court judge said, “and I’ve decided to give your wife
$775 a week.”

“That’s very fair, your honor,” the husband said,”And
every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.”

==================

Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet.

“Doctor,” he said sadly, “I’m afraid I’m going to
have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail.”

The vet stepped back, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible
thing?”

“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t
want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”

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