One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed Little Johnny was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The seven-year- old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, “Good morning, son.”

“Good morning pastor” replied the young man, focused on the plaque.

“Sir, what is this?” Little Johnny asked.

“Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service,” replied the
pastor.

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one,
sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30 service?”

============================

A man moved to a mountain top to get rid of the hustle and be alone. One day he heard a knock at the door and no one was there but then he looked down and there sat a snail and it said “it is quite cold out here can I come in?” the man shouted “NO why don’t you all understand I want to be alone!” and he kicked the snail down the mountain. One year later there was a knock at the door and no one was there and then he looked down and there again sat a snail and it said, “What did you do that for?”

=========================

Two drunks were walking home along the railway tracks.

The first drunk says, “There’s a hell of a lot of steps here.”

The second drunk says, “I’ll tell you what’s worse, this hand rail is way too
low.”

===============

Three boys were bragging about their fathers.

The first one said, “My father runs so fast he can fire an arrow, start running, and
get there before the arrow!”

The second one said, “That’s nothing! My father can shoot a gun, start running, and get there before the bullet!”

The third boy just smiled. “That’s nothing. My father is a civil servant. He gets
off work at 5 and is home before 4!”

============================

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order.

“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggie. “I would like a
Coke,” said the second little piggie. “I want water, lots and lots of water,”
said the third little piggie.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.

“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggie. “I would like the salad
plate,” said the second piggie. “I want water, lots and lots of water,” said
the third little piggie.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

“I want a banana split,” said the first piggie. “I want a root beer
float,” said the second piggie. “I want water, lots and lots of water,”
exclaimed the third little piggie.

“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter, “but why have you only ordered
water?”

The third piggie says, “Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way
home!'”

===========================

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