Hoover!

Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the
rough. His opponent heard him mutter, “Hoover!” under his breath.

On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. “Hoover!” again, a
little louder this time.

On the third hole, a miracle occured & Fr. Murphy’s drive landed on the green only
six inches from the hole! “Praise be to God!”

He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in.
“HOOVER!”

By this time, his opponent couldn’t withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said “Hoover”.

“It’s the biggest dam I know.” he replied.

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Hearing Aids

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and
listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

==============================

A preacher, completing a temperance sermon, spoke with great fervor! “If I had all the
beer in the world, I’d throw it all into the river.”

With greater emphasis, he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d throw
it all into the river.”

And finally he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d throw it all
into the river, too!”

As he took his chair, the song leader stood and announced with a smile, “For our
closing hymn, let us sing number 365:”

“Shall We Gather at the River.”

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A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.

All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, “Happy birthday to
you. Happy birthday to you…”

==========================

Several years before the Gulf War, a female journalist did a story on gender roles in
Kuwait. She noted that there it was customary for women to walk 10 feet behind their
husbands.

After the war, she returned to Kuwait and was pleased to observe that now the men walked 10 feet behind their wives. She approached a woman at the airport and asked, “What enabled Kuwaiti women to achieve this role reversal?”

The Kuwaiti woman replied, “Land mines.”

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