Perfection
The preacher said, “There’s no such thing as a perfect woman. Anybody present who has ever known a perfect woman, stand up.”
Nobody stood up.
“Those who have ever known a perfect man, stand up.”
One elderly gentleman stood up.
“Are you honestly saying you knew an absolutely perfect man?” he asked, somewhat amazed.
“Well now, I didn’t know him personally,” replied the little old man, “but I have heard a great deal about him. He was my wife’s first husband.”
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hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death
experience. Seeing God, she asked, “Is my time up?” God said, “No, you
have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live.” Upon
recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift,
liposuction and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she
figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation, she
was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way
home, an ambulance killed her. Arriving in front of God, she demanded,
“I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn’t you pull me out of
the path of that ambulance?” God replied, “Girl, I didn’t recognize you ¢â‚¬
| A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his 1 to 10 well
“Yes! Of course! My pop taught me…even more than 10” “Good. What comes after three? ¢â‚¬ “Four,” answers the boy. “What comes after six?” “Seven.” “Very good,” says the teacher. “Your erm…dad did a good job. Now…so what comes after…lets say ten?” “A jack” ========================= |
The pirate replies “We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin’ me out, a school of sharks appeared and one of ’em bit me leg off”.
“Blimey!” said the sailor. “What about the hook?”
“Ahhhh…”, mused the pirate, “We were boardin’ a trader ship, pistols blastin’ and swords swingin’ this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped off.”
“Zounds!” remarked the sailor. “And how came ye by the eye patch?”
“A seagull droppin’ fell into me eye”, answered the pirate.
“You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?” the sailor asked incredulously.
“Well…” said the pirate, “..it was me first day with the hook.”
The next day he brings it back and says, “This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down one tree and it took all the gosh-darned day!”
The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what’s wrong, and the red neck asks, “What’s that noise?
Discussion
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