The bartender pours them and the man drinks them as fast as he can.

“Wow that’s the fastest I’ve seen anyone drink,” says the bartender.

“Well you’d drink that fast if you had what I had,”

The man says “Oh my god,” the bartender says, “What do you have?”

The man replies “50 cents.”

============================

Three college professors were driving down the highway at a very slow speed.

A policeman pulled them over and explained that driving so slowly on the highway could be hazardous.

The driver pointed out the sign that read “20.” He explained that he was going 20 mph because of the sign.

The policeman pointed out that the sign indicated they were driving on Highway 20.

Somewhat embarrassed the professor apologized and promised to be more observant.

As the policeman turn to walk back to his car, he noticed the other two professors on the floor

looking scared to death!

He asked the driver, “What’s wrong with them?”

The driver replied, “We just turned off Highway 105.”

=========================

Man asks a Blond what’s futher away the Moon or Australia.

The Blond thinks about it for a few moments and says Australia.

Surprized the man asks how she came up with that.

She looks at him and says that she can see the Moon, she can’t see Australia!

============================

It was the first day of school after summer vacation.

The kids had all arrived in the high school sophomore English class, and were chatting away, making new friends.

THEN ¢â‚¬ ¦In walked a very stern looking English teacher and a hush fell over the room as the kids scurried to their seats.

The stern teacher silently panned his gaze across all the kids.

After about a minute or so, he spoke…

“From the outset, I want you all to know that there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom.

You cannot use them as you recite, or in any of your papers, tests, or homework.

Using these words even once, will get you a failing grade for that quarter.

The first one is “gross”

And the other one is “cool”

Are there any questions?”

After a few moments of silence, this gawky teen at the back of the room raises his hand,

and the teacher calls upon him.

In a pubescent croaking voice, the kid asks…

“So, what are they?”

==========================

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