Signs Can Be Funny Too

Spotted in a toilet of a London (UK) office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

Hen Thief

A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.

One Sunday he announced, “Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill’s henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn’t want money from a thief!”

The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.

Clever Puns

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.

A backward poet writes inverse.

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

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