A man walks into the psychiatrist ¢â‚¬â„¢s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.
He says, ¢â‚¬Å“What is wrong with me?
The psychiatrist replies, ¢â‚¬Å“You are not eating properly. ¢â‚¬
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The boss was concerned that his employees weren ¢â‚¬â„¢t giving him enough respect, so he tried and old fashioned method of persuasion: He brought in a sign that said ¢â‚¬Å“I ¢â‚¬â„¢m the Boss ¢â‚¬ and taped it to his door. After lunch, he noticed someone had taped another note under his. ¢â‚¬Å“Your wife called. She wants her sign back! ¢â‚¬
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In search of a new shower for our home, my wife and I went to a bathroom-supply store.
We discussed our needs with a young saleswoman. Since it was near closing time, we had to curtail our discussion and made plans to come back the next day to make our final decision.
Later that evening, my wife and I were at a restaurant, where the same young lady from the bathroom-supply store was now working a shift as a waitress.
As she passed our table, she suddenly recognized us and called to me in a loud voice, “HEY! You’re the man who needs a shower!”
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As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, “Anyone here know how to pray?”
One man stepped forward. “Aye, Captain, I know how to pray.”
“Good,” said the captain, “you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets – we’re one short.”
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An airplane is coming to land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the radar system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone.
“Flaps, check,” he says to the co-pilot, “Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we’re going in. Hold on.”
The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway.
“Holy Cow!” exclaims the pilot, “This must be the shortest runway I’ve ever landed on!” The co-pilot looks left and right and says “Yeah, and about the widest, too…
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