Doctor, Doctor You’ve got to help me – I just can’t stop my hands shaking!

Doc: Do you drink a lot?

Not really – I spill most of it!

====================

Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?

Doc: Of course. Just take this hammer and smash yourself in the head.

Then you’ll have a bad headache.

====================

Funny puns :

* I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

* He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

* Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

* A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

* He wears glasses during math because it improves division.

* Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

* Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

* When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

* It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

* Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.

* When the waiter spilled a drink on his shirt, he said, “this one is on me.”

===================

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”

The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just make you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

===================

Marriage Wisdom

When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice. “The first ten years are the hardest.”

“How long have you been married?” she asked.

“Ten years,” came the immediate reply.