“Don’t worry,” says the priest.   “I have two male parrots who only pray and read the Bible.   We’ll put them in the same cage – your parrots are sure to stop saying that horrid phrase.”

The next day, the woman takes her parrots to the priest’s home.   The male parrots are inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.  

When the woman places the female parrots in the cage, they cry out, “Hi, cutie.   Wanna have some fun?”

One male says to the other, “Put the beads away, Frank.   Our prayers have been answered!”

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Arguing

The other day, Nancy and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would have said it was Armageddon.) As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error.

To her credit, Nancy finally said, “Look. I’ll tell you what. I’ll admit I’m wrong if you admit I was right.”

“Fine.” I said.

She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, “I’m wrong.”

I grinned and replied, “You’re right.”

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Golf for Seniors

How was your golf game, dear?” asked Jack’s wife Tracy.

“Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight’s gotten so bad I couldn’t see where the ball went.”

“But you’re seventy-five years old, Jack!” admonished his wife, “Why don’t you take my brother Scott along?”

“But he’s eighty-five and doesn’t even play golf anymore,” protested Jack.

“But he’s got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball,” Tracy pointed out.

The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.

“Do you see it?” asked Jack.

“Yup,” Scott answered.

“Well, where is it?” yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.

“I forgot.”

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A guy tells his psychiatrist,  ¢â‚¬Å“I always have this weird dream at night. I am locked in a room with a door on which there is a sign. I try to push it with all my strength, but no matter how hard I try, it won ¢â‚¬â„¢t budge.” The psychiatrist muses,  ¢â‚¬Å“Interesting.” But tell me what does the sign on the door say? The guy replies,  ¢â‚¬Å“It says ‘Pull’ ¢â‚¬ !!!

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As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!”

“It’s not just one car,” said Herman. “It’s hundreds of them!”

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