One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the

dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother

had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, “Why are some of

your hairs white, Mom?”

Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and

make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.”

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,

“Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

=====================

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim,

but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old

beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, “Are there any gators around here?”

“Naw,” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!”

Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.

About halfway there he asked the guy, “How’d you get rid of the gators?”

“We didn’t do nothing,'” the beachcomber said.

“Wow,” said the tourist.

The beachcomber added, “The sharks got ’em.”

=====================

An orthopedic surgeon was moving to a new office, with the help of his staff.

One of the nurses sat the display skeleton in the front of her car, a bony arm

across the back of the seat.

On the drive across town, she stopped at a traffic light, and the stares of the

people in the neighboring car compelled her to roll down her window and yell,

I ¢â‚¬â„¢m delivering him to my doctor ¢â‚¬â„¢s office. ¢â‚¬ 

The other driver leaned out of is window.  ¢â‚¬Å“I hate to tell you, lady, ¢â‚¬  he said,

 ¢â‚¬Å“but I think it ¢â‚¬â„¢s too late! ¢â‚¬ 

========================

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically

impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal

its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him.”

=======================

During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the class instruction in unarmed self- defense.

After he presented a number of different situations in which they might find themselves, he asked a student,

“What steps would you take if someone were coming at you with a large, sharp knife?”

The student replied, “BIG ones.”

=======================

A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning that was about half the usual length of his sermons.

He explained, “I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper,

ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning.”

After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher as he was leaving, and said,

“Sir, if that dog of yours has any pups, I sure would like to get one to give to my minister!”

====================

If you would like to added to John’s Clean Humor list send a blank email to [email protected] with “=Include Me=” in the subject line.