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Humor

Humo[u]r (Be sure your sins will find you out…)

While attending a Marriage seminar dealing with communication, Jack and his wife, Barb, listened to the instructor.  ¢â‚¬Å“It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. ¢â‚¬  He addressed the man,  ¢â‚¬Å“can you describe your wife ¢â‚¬â„¢s favorite flower? ¢â‚¬  Jack leaned over, touched his wife ¢â‚¬â„¢s arm gently and whispered,  ¢â‚¬Å“Its Pillsbury isn ¢â‚¬â„¢t it? ¢â‚¬ 
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A woman walked up to a little very old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing,” said the woman, “how old are you?”

“Twenty-six,” he said.

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A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian.

“What is it made of?” she asked.

“Alligator’s teeth,” the Indian replied.

“I suppose,” she said patronizingly, “that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.”

“Oh no,” he objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.”

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her

five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor thy

father and thy mother,” she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us

how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat one little boy answered: “Thou shall not kill.”
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A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey I have been asked to go fishing at a big lake up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting, so would you please pack me enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and tackle box. We’re leaving from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new blue silk pajamas.”

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy but being a good wife she does exactly what her husband asked. The following weekend he comes home a little tired but otherwise looking good.

The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish. He says, “Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Blue gill, and a few Pike. But why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?”

The wife replies; “I did, they were in your tackle box.”

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