Teenage Driver

I decided to stop worrying about my teenage son’s driving and take advantage of it.

I got one of those bumper stickers that say, “How’s my driving?” and put a 900 number on it.

“At 50 cents a call, I’ve been making $38 a week!”
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A minister, having served the same church for many years,   decided to leave and take a similar position in another church.

Without telling anyone he had made this decision or writing a letter to the congregation, without allowing them any time to prepare, he waited until Sunday morning to announce his departure on Monday.

When he spoke to the congregation he said, “The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church.”

And the choir all stood and sang, “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”
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Newlywed Surprise

The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: “I have great news for you. Pretty soon we’re going to be three in this house instead of two.”

The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: “Oh darling, I’m the happiest man in the world.”

Then she said: “I’m glad that you feel this way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us.”
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A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. “I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum.”

“You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That’s a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?”

“Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, ‘Thanks.'”
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A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. More than 500 lawyers were taken as hostages.

The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

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