IS IT SCOTCH?

On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.

The florist’s son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.

The candy-store owner’s daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.

Then the liquor-store owner’s son brought up a big, heavy box.

The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit..

She touched a few drops of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she guessed.

“No,” the boy replied.

She tasted more drops and asked, ” Champagne?

“No,” said the little boy…………..it ¢â‚¬â„¢s a puppy!! ¢â‚¬ 

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10 Commandments of Marriage

Commandment 1.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.

Marriage is grand — and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.

Commandment 8.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.

Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10.

Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

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Mo attends a Revival and listens to the sermon. After a while, the pastor asks anyone with needs to come forward and be prayed over. Mo gets in line and, when it ¢â‚¬â„¢s his turn the pastor asks,  ¢â‚¬Å“Mo, what do you want me to pray about? ¢â‚¬  Mo says,  ¢â‚¬Å“Pastor, I need you to pray for my hearing. ¢â‚¬  So the pastor puts one finger in Mo ¢â‚¬â„¢s ear and the other hand on top of his head and prays for a while. He removes his hands and says,  ¢â‚¬Å“Mo how ¢â‚¬â„¢s your hearing now? ¢â‚¬  Mo says,  ¢â‚¬Å“I don ¢â‚¬â„¢t know pastor, it ¢â‚¬â„¢s not until next Monday.

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Super Bowl

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.

“No,” he says, “The seat is empty.”

“This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?”

He says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else-a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”.

The man shakes his head.

“No, they’re all at the funeral.”

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Forgetful

William’s wife started noticing how forgetful he was becoming. Being the concerned wife, she convinced him to see a doctor. William was a little worried when the doctor came in. Sensing his patient’s nervousness, the first thing the doctor did was to ask what was troubling him.

“Well,” William answered. “I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can remember where I put the car, or whether I answered a letter, or where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there, if I get there. So, I really need your help. What can I do?”

The doctor thought for a moment, then answered in his kindest tone, “Please pay me in advance.”

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