Thought For The Day:

If you leave alphabet soup on the stove and go out, it could spell disaster.

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A man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read:  ¢â‚¬Å“Here lies John Smith, a lawyer and an honest man. ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“How about that! ¢â‚¬  he exclaimed.  ¢â‚¬Å“They ¢â‚¬â„¢ve got three people buried in one grave. ¢â‚¬ 

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TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

PUPILS: A teacher.

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A conductor was having a lot of trouble with a drummer. He constantly gave this guy personal attention and much advice, but his performance simply didn’t improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he took a critical jab at the drummer.

“When a musician just can’t handle his instrument and doesn’t improve when given help, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer — which must be why you play the drums.”

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section,

“And if he can’t handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.”

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A tightwad was looking for a gift to give a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.

In due time he received a note:  ¢â‚¬Å“thanks for the vase, ¢â‚¬  it read.  ¢â‚¬Å“It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately. ¢â‚¬ 

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