by Scott Morgan

Awareness  ¢â‚¬“ Lust A Hidden Pandemic

By the time a person reaches 21 years of age, Barna ¢â‚¬â„¢s research estimates they will have viewed more than 2,000 hours, on average, of pornographic images that reduce the dignity and value of human life. (Barna, 2010, Media Exposure, Addiction). There is no distinction between Christian and non-Christian, except that it is something Christians are loathed to admit.

Unlike drug or alcohol addictions, which have obvious physical evidence and consequences, a person addicted to lust can appear to be  ¢â‚¬Å“all together ¢â‚¬ . What makes lust much more powerful and insidious than other addictions is that lust consumes through the eyes and creates a  ¢â‚¬Å“hit ¢â‚¬  through the thoughts. Like other addictive agents, lust causes a drunk-like state resulting in disconnection from self, God and others.

In 2003, Charles R. Swindoll wrote in An Open Letter Concerning the #1 Secret Problem In Your Church,  ¢â‚¬ËœOur church is in significant trouble….This trouble concerns a severe disease that is eating away at our congregations, perhaps even some of our own leadership, from the inside out….The problem is pornography. ¢â‚¬â„¢

It is difficult to identify any response to Swindoll ¢â‚¬â„¢s observation because very few talk about the issue of lust, and it is this lack of openness that enables the problem to persist.

Lust is like a plague that has broken out around the world. It affects men and women, young and old, both Christian and non-Christian alike. The church is not immune.

All forms of technology promote sexual images. It is everywhere: T.V., magazines, internet, billboards, mobile phones, iPads, and, in people ¢â‚¬â„¢s thoughts. It is unavoidable and relentless. While technology brings positive change in the way we communicate, it has a downside: anonymity and easy access to an endless supply of pornography. This makes everyone, particularly young people, extremely vulnerable.

Yesterday’s lust does not satisfy today ¢â‚¬â„¢s appetite. A person struggling with lust will always find at some point their lust will want more and different. It is not uncommon for a person to feel disgusted at the sight of certain kinds of pornography and say  ¢â‚¬ËœI will never look at that or do that ¢â‚¬â„¢ but then find they engage in it at some stage.

In order for a person to maintain the illusion that they are still in control of their lust, they try to create a new invisible line they vow never to cross, only to find themselves pulled across this line. Almost seemingly against their will they find themselves hopelessly enslaved to lust.

Crossing  ¢â‚¬Ëœthe line ¢â‚¬â„¢ often contradicts a person ¢â‚¬â„¢s values, morals and spiritual beliefs, causing intense shame and guilt that pulls them further into themselves, and leaves them further exposed and vulnerable to lust temptation.

Because the male brain, in particular, is wired  ¢â‚¬Å“visually ¢â‚¬ , pornography is incredibly powerful. Some find themselves hooked from the very first pornographic image they see.

A person addicted to lust loses power to say no. They become powerless over what the image does to their thinking, emotions, and self-esteem. Left to their own devices, they continue to progress into more destructive forms of lust and  ¢â‚¬Å“acting out ¢â‚¬ , leading to ever worsening consequences. They may be able to stop for a period of time in their own strength; however, the mental obsession to lust will eventually win. Once a person opens themselves to that  ¢â‚¬Ëœone ¢â‚¬â„¢ lust image, it sets off an unstoppable craving for more that has to be satisfied, sometimes leading to hours and hours in front of the computer looking for the perfect image.

Unfortunately, some Christian teaching adds to the problem. Scriptures like  ¢â‚¬Ëœwe are more than conquerors through him who loved us ¢â‚¬â„¢ (Rom 8:37) and  ¢â‚¬Ëœforgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead ¢â‚¬â„¢ (Phil 3:13), are used as  ¢â‚¬Å“faith ¢â‚¬  statements to cover up or deny the behaviour and guilt, as though it did not exist. This results in the underlying issues of the addiction remaining unresolved, and leaving the person a target for the next image that eventually comes along with further destruction.

It is not uncommon for people trying to overcome lust temptation to try and  ¢â‚¬Ëœfight ¢â‚¬â„¢ lust. However if a person has lost power over lust, no amount of fighting will prove successful. Lust will always win.

If there is no human means to overcome lust successfully, then ultimately Gods power is the only source of progressive victory. Yet these people earnestly pray and seek God ¢â‚¬â„¢s help, seemingly with no effect.

The problem is  ¢â‚¬Ëœhow ¢â‚¬â„¢ to access God in a way that gives power over the compulsion to view and then act on the lust images. A key is to admit the powerlessness over lust to one ¢â‚¬â„¢s self and others (James 5:16), and start surrendering the addiction, and self, to God who has the power to overcome the spirit of lust. God ¢â‚¬â„¢s  ¢â‚¬Ëœpower is made perfect in weakness ¢â‚¬â„¢ (2 Cor 12:9). God promises hope and a future (Jer 29: 11-13). Those who  ¢â‚¬Ëœseek ¢â‚¬â„¢ Him with all their heart find him (Jer 29: 13-14).

Acknowledging the truth is the first step toward recovery. Jesus says,  ¢â‚¬Ëœ…you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free ¢â‚¬â„¢ (Jn 8:32). Acknowledging that truth and being honest with God and a trusted friend, mentor, pastor, or counsellor, is the first step.

Charles Swindoll suggests that this  ¢â‚¬Ëœsevere disease ¢â‚¬â„¢ is eating the body from the inside out. Facing it from the inside out is paramount.

By surrendering to God ¢â‚¬â„¢s goodness, and journeying with Him in the area of lust, we can move into true freedom and intimacy with Him, others, and ourselves.

Scott Morgan has a degree in Christian Counselling and is in Christian ministry as a counsellor. He is part of Life Builders Inc., Vermont, Victoria.

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.lifebuilders.org.au

~~

The Church/Porn Connection

by Scott Morgan

Acceptance  ¢â‚¬“ An Antidote for Denial

Part one of this series talked about the importance of the church developing an awareness of the seriousness of the problem of pornography or lust addiction, the powerlessness that people experience when in its grip, and the need for God ¢â‚¬â„¢s power in order to progressively overcome it.

This article looks at the need to accept a problem exists if a person wants to overcome it, something few seem willing to do.

Viewing pornography usually starts in secret and remains a secret. While part of the person knows  ¢â‚¬Ëœthis is wrong ¢â‚¬â„¢, another part likes it. This creates tension and inner conflict and a sense of powerlessness. Strategies are employed in an attempt to feel comfortable. Justification and denial are common coping mechanisms. Self-deception leads to thoughts such as,  ¢â‚¬ËœWell at least I don ¢â‚¬â„¢t do that ¢â‚¬â„¢, or,  ¢â‚¬Ëœthat was the last time I will ¢â‚¬ ¦ ¢â‚¬â„¢ or  ¢â‚¬Ëœif I ever get a bad as him or her I will do something about it ¢â‚¬â„¢.

As long as the problem remains hidden, it gets worse. The person looks at images that are more explicit and/or engages in more and more risky behaviour. As time goes by lust consumes more of their identity. What was an  ¢â‚¬Ëœinnocent ¢â‚¬â„¢ secret pleasure once a week or fortnight, eventually becomes a world of secrecy, lies, guilt, shame, and fear. The person hides this from those around them leading to increased isolation.

In order to cope with the growing inner conflict, a person can subconsciously compartmentalise the  ¢â‚¬Å“acting out in secret self ¢â‚¬  from the  ¢â‚¬Å“public self ¢â‚¬ , creating two contradicting realities. As time goes by this  ¢â‚¬Å“secret part ¢â‚¬  gets larger and more secret, to the point where they can literally hide it from themselves.

Lust has a way of latching onto a person ¢â‚¬â„¢s will, helping to create a stubbornness that leads to a spiritual blindness. The lust-drunkenness keeps a person from seeing the damage caused to themselves and their relationships, including their relationship with God. Neither can they see the underlying problematic attitudes that feed the addictive behaviour.

It is rare that a person voluntarily chooses to confess their problem and seek help. In fact, due to the power of denial, it is common for a person to deny the issue even when caught.

For some, lust becomes the number one form of coping with life. Ironically, lust becomes a source of security and comfort. In many ways, it has become a  ¢â‚¬Å“god ¢â‚¬  or more accurately an idol of worship (the source of their life). They have become dependent and due to this dependency, letting go can feel like they might die, and in some ways they are right. However it is a dying to self (dying to the old nature), and acting with humility and surrender which allows God ¢â‚¬â„¢s grace to be released (James 4:6).

By grace, God allows moments of clarity that enable a person to have a glimpse of what they are doing to themselves and provides opportunities to empower them to take action. Some may describe this as a part of their subconscious that betrays them and cries out for help by allowing the person to do something that allows them to get caught.

Put another way, a person ¢â‚¬â„¢s own actions end up bringing about pain that can lead to repentance. Unfortunately, it can take a trail of broken relationships, the loss of position, dignity, and respect before light and truth penetrates the secret world of the pornography-addicted person ¢â‚¬â„¢s soul. No matter how a person comes to an inevitable fork in the road, the decision to turn away from lust must come from within the individual.

As Dr Phil ¢â‚¬â„¢s Life Law #4 says  ¢â‚¬Ëœyou cannot change what you do not acknowledge ¢â‚¬â„¢. Acceptance is an antidote for denial, and for the person that gets to this place, it is the beginning of healing and change.

Honesty and willingness to be open and talk to someone about the issue is vital for change to continue. It is the hidden part of self that contains the lust, fantasy, and acting out associated with pornography addiction. Coupled with this are the attitudes and beliefs about self, God and others. These too need to come out into the light. This takes tremendous courage and can be immensely scary.

It is important that such a sensitive issue be shared with someone trustworthy and/or a group that is safe. Bringing light to this issue is the beginning of a slow but necessary journey back to reality. It is a journey that will see the power of God enter a person ¢â‚¬â„¢s life, giving them strength to remain  ¢â‚¬Ëœsober ¢â‚¬â„¢ from their lust.

People caught in the web of pornography addiction are not  ¢â‚¬Ëœbad ¢â‚¬â„¢ people. In fact, many have great hopes and dreams to fulfil. Many are in our churches, secretly battling this  ¢â‚¬Ëœthing ¢â‚¬â„¢. God loves them and says  ¢â‚¬Ëœ ¢â‚¬ ¦I know the plans I have for you ¢â‚¬ ¦.plans to give you hope and a future ¢â‚¬â„¢ (Jer 29:11). Part of that plan is a journey of freedom from the grasp of lust. It is a journey of faith, adventure, sacrifice, and service.

When we acknowledge our weakness, we can access God ¢â‚¬â„¢s perfect strength (2 Cor 12:9). Out of such a journey will emerge a warrior equipped to  ¢â‚¬Ëœfight the good fight of the faith ¢â‚¬â„¢ (1Tim 6:12) who can watch and come along side others as they come out of denial, climb out of hopelessness and despair, and walk with  ¢â‚¬Ëœ ¢â‚¬ ¦the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding ¢â‚¬ ¦ ¢â‚¬â„¢ (Phil 4:7).  

Scott Morgan has a degree in Christian Counselling and is in Christian ministry as a counsellor. He is part of Life Builders Inc., Vermont, Victoria.

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.lifebuilders.org.au

~~

The Church/Porn Connection

by Scott Morgan

Action  ¢â‚¬“ Where Belief and Faith Connect

  The first article in this series talked about the need to develop an awareness of the problem of pornography or lust, both as a church body as well as individually. The second article talked about the importance of accepting there is a problem if wanting to be free of lusts power.

This article looks at the importance of taking necessary action to overcome lust addiction, explores practical ways to do this, and highlights the challenges.

The way an addict acts out the fantasy manufactured by pornography is often through masturbating, so trying to give up lust while continuing to masturbate is futile. Sexual abstinence, while controversial, is often necessary before someone successfully breaks the addictive cycle and recovers.

Debate exists over whether a person needs to stop the addictive behaviour first in order to deal with the underlying issues, or vice versa. The answer is both/and. Without stopping the acting out the underlying issues remain hidden, conversely ignoring the underlying issues leads to relapse.

Lust distorts a person ¢â‚¬â„¢s reality and their thinking, making it difficult to identify and address the underlying issues. Addressing the addictive behaviour and then addressing any issues that fuel the addictive behaviour is a practical and sensible approach.

Removing all pornographic material, as well as putting boundaries in place to block easy access points is necessary. Avoiding the  ¢â‚¬Ëœold environment ¢â‚¬â„¢ where lust was purchased or consumed, such as alone with the internet, in a DVD store, newsagency, or street the brothel is on, is helpful to minimize unnecessary temptation.

Making these decisions in isolation from other people while in the addictive cycle inhibits recovery. These decisions require self-motivated accountability, otherwise  ¢â‚¬Ëœwhen ¢â‚¬â„¢ temptation strikes, the boundary lines erode, and the person is back online or driving to the newsagents or brothel once more.

Lust addiction drives people into themselves, causing them to live inside their own heads. People often try to overcome lust from this position, severely compounding the struggle. This approach traps people within the addictive cycle, as they remain isolated, trying to think or white knuckle their way out of the problem.

In the early stages of the journey toward sobriety, there can often be a hypersensitivity to lust images. Driving down the road, watching TV, or sitting in the train can take on a completely new reality. People often feel lust is attacking them. Withdrawal symptoms such as cravings, irritability, sleep disturbance, difficulty concentrating, anxiety, or even depression are also normal and expected during this time.

Lust addiction progressively isolates people. Addressing the issue in the context of a safe community is fundamental to long-term victory. Even though a large number of people struggle with pornography, there is not often an open atmosphere to enable sharing.

Talking in a group about the challenges, difficulties, victories, and being encouraged by others that are recovering from the same issues, promotes safety and a sense of community. While not a replacement to one ¢â‚¬â„¢s faith community, identifying with other ¢â‚¬â„¢s experiences and sharing one ¢â‚¬â„¢s own experience in this context, births hope and helps remove the feeling of isolation. Once connected with other people the strategies that follow are more effective.

Acknowledging one ¢â‚¬â„¢s own powerlessness and asking for God ¢â‚¬â„¢s help, allows His grace to start operating. Praying to God whenever tempted with a lust image or situation, helps to create a connection to God, instead of a feeling of aloneness. Phoning safe and trusted people as part of the  ¢â‚¬Ëœaction ¢â‚¬â„¢ of surrender is a powerful intervention, and a vital strategy to being free from taking the lust drink.

Unfortunately, people often believe the lie that being tempted is a sin, causing them to hide from God when they most need Him. Taking the actions above,  ¢â‚¬Ëœin the moment ¢â‚¬â„¢ of temptation, is the key, as this is where belief and faith connect, allowing God ¢â‚¬â„¢s grace to come in and expel the temptation and ultimately the obsession.

When pornography and acting out has been the main coping mechanism to deal with life ¢â‚¬â„¢s problems, unresolved issues and strong emotions such as fear and anxiety can begin to surface. For some, professional counselling may be necessary. Counselling can act as another pillar of support, enhancing a person ¢â‚¬â„¢s ability to overcome lust addiction, and the issues it masks.

While recovery is painful and difficult, it is not impossible. People who begin to experience freedom from lust start to feel a sense of wholeness, as reconciliation and healing with their true selves, others and God starts to transform the inner person. People begin to feel  ¢â‚¬Ëœright ¢â‚¬â„¢, have self-respect, renewed confidence and self-esteem, and a sense of purpose.

Freedom from lust also allows people to experience what they were wanting all along but which lust could never deliver. This is often unwavering acceptance; power to live out their convictions, ethics, and morals; attain peace of mind and have hope for the future.

The actions outlined above help a person to walk increasing as  ¢â‚¬Ëœnew creations in Christ ¢â‚¬â„¢ (2 Cor 5:17). Walking this narrow road leads to life, allowing people ¢â‚¬â„¢s unique call from God to be reclaimed or discovered (Mt 7:14). This journey also helps lay the foundation that enables them to live out that call, dealing with the challenges along the way.

Scott Morgan has a degree in Christian Counselling and is in Christian ministry as a counsellor. He is part of Life Builders Inc., Vermont, Victoria.

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.lifebuilders.org.au

~~

The Church/Porn Connection

by Scott Morgan

Responsibility  ¢â‚¬“ Living from the Inside Out

The first three articles in this series provided insight, tools, and strategies to begin the journey out of pornography addiction. This article will look at what to expect when it comes to dealing with the emotions, beliefs, and inner attitudes that begin to surface, and offer strategies to begin the inner journey of getting the  ¢â‚¬Ëœinside out ¢â‚¬â„¢.

The good and bad news is that surrendering lust and the acting out is only the beginning. God does not just want a person free from lust, He wants the whole person. However people often want to be free from lust and pornography, while remaining independent from God, by holding onto the attitudes, fears, and beliefs that help set up the addictive cycle.

The recovery process seeks to identify those other dependencies that get in the way of living in this new sober reality, as it creates pressure on the deeper heart dependencies allowing an opportunity to surrender. By God ¢â‚¬â„¢s grace, He reveals the underlying issues progressively rather than all at once.

People find they are just as dependant and powerless over these inner liabilities as they were with lust. A fundamental and pivotal attitude in this journey of living from the inside out is taking responsibility for the issues as they arise and dealing with them.

The first liability to surface is often resentment. Invisible in the addiction, in recovery it seems to burst through like a geyser. The nature of resentment is that it feels justifiable and based on truth. The person re-experiences the event in their mind, convinces himself or herself of the wrong caused to them, and re-feels the anger associated with it. This traps the person in a destructive mental and emotional spiral, which often leads to a relapse.

Resentment can be experienced as a general emotion with no  ¢â‚¬Ëœobvious ¢â‚¬â„¢ causes, however brought to the light and shared with another person, the source of the resentment becomes clear. The process of writing the problem down first can help to externalise the issue and discover a healthy solution.

Often underlying resentment is fear. This emotion is usually the next to surface in the recovering person ¢â‚¬â„¢s life. The fear can feel irrational at first; however, sobriety brings clarity, helping connect the fear with the causes.

Underlying fear and resentment is often selfishness and self-centeredness, another liability to recovery. When self-will rather than God is in control, insecurity develops. Self-will is often a sign of a deeper problem connected with how the person sees God, themselves or others.

A faulty image of God is often caused by unhelpful beliefs and attitudes developed in childhood, as a result of subtle or overt experiences of shame, rejection, abandonment, neglect and abuse. These experiences lead to a rejection of self.

Self-rejection can lead to a need to perform for acceptance. Performance can lead to many problems including burnout, depression, approval seeking, disillusionment and relationship problems. Feelings rather than a  ¢â‚¬Ëœknowing ¢â‚¬â„¢ of who they are in Christ can become the barometer for assessing self-worth and relationship with God. In a sense, the person takes the place of God in his or her own life.

While it is the heart beliefs set up in childhood that become the ultimate driver in the relationship with God, as life goes on an intellectual view of God is developed. This intellectual view is  ¢â‚¬Ëœconfessed ¢â‚¬â„¢, however, until the negative heart beliefs are uncovered and removed, there will always be a disconnection between what is confessed and what is experienced.

A person can assess their beliefs and attitudes about God, by observing their past actions when they were tempted or when they made a mistake. People often discover the god they believe in is disappointed, angry, unavailable, and requiring perfection before relationship with him is possible.

When it comes to the journey of change, people often place too much responsibility on themselves or too much responsibility on God. When people believe God requires perfection first, then a person isolates him or herself and tries to change on their own. Alternatively, a relationship with God that does not include a sense of personal responsibility fails to produce any lasting change. Both images of the God relationship are fantasy images (idols) that sabotages any chance of recovery.

A strategy to begin turning away from these unhelpful images of God is to write down the faulty heart image of God. Then write down on another piece of paper an image of God that is worth surrendering to and building relationship. It is important that the image reflect the God of scripture, however it is essential that the image is personal to the writer. After throwing the old image of God away, the key is to practise turning to this new image of God and trusting Him especially when difficulties and temptation comes.

Dying to the old self-centred nature with its unhelpful attitudes and beliefs, by uncovering and surrendering them in sobriety, allows people to become more who they really are in Christ. The road of recovery is indeed narrow; paradoxically the narrower the road becomes the more freedom and liberty that is available, and therefore the greater the landscape in which to truly live.

This new landscape is where a person can progressively engage with God and His call for their lives. This journey is a lifelong one that requires patience and persistence rather than perfection. Not giving up is the key.

By taking responsibility and co-operating with the Spirit to live from the inside out, a person begins to attain peace of mind, as their behaviour, thoughts, beliefs and attitudes are no longer in conflict with each other. As a person progressively acknowledges what is on the inside, healing and reconciliation is possible with self, God and others.  

Scott Morgan has a degree in Christian Counselling and is in Christian ministry as a counsellor. He is part of Life Builders Inc., Vermont, Victoria.

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.lifebuilders.org.au