One who runs in front of the car gets tired.

One who runs behind gets exhausted.

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A young man bought an expensive piece of jewelry as a present for his girlfriend.

 ¢â‚¬Å“Don ¢â‚¬â„¢t you want her name engraved on it? ¢â‚¬  asked the clerk.

The young man thought for a moment, and then, ever the realistic, steadfastly replied,

 ¢â‚¬Å“No, just engrave it: To My One and Only Love. That way, if we break up and

she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again. ¢â‚¬ 

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A couple of hours into a visit with my mother, she noticed I hadn’t once lit up a cigarette.

“Are you trying to kick the habit?” she asked.

“No,” I replied. “I have a cold, and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.”

“You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.”

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A little old lady owned a home beside the fifth fairway on a golf course,  and stray balls were always landing in her yard. Instead of getting angry,  she removed the fence along the boundary, invited the golfers onto her property, showed them where their ball was located, and encouraged them to take their next shot from that spot.

Even when they missed and dug deep divots in her lawn, she would tell them to go ahead and take another swing.

A visitor, after witnessing her overly courteous behavior, couldn’t help but comment. “How come you let them tear up your yard like that?” the visitor asked, “and not only that, you encourage them.”

“I’m not as courteous as you think,” the old lady replied. “I’m planning on turning my yard into a garden, and I figure within another month they’ll have it plowed for me.”

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A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession ¢â‚¬ ¦ even to the Supermarket which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed,  ¢â‚¬Å“Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age! ¢â‚¬ 

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