Jay went to a psychiatrist.  ¢â‚¬Å“Doc, he said,  ¢â‚¬Å“I ¢â‚¬â„¢ve got trouble.

Every time I get into bed I think there is somebody under it.

I get under the bed; I think there ¢â‚¬â„¢s somebody on top of it.

Top, under, under top. I ¢â‚¬â„¢m going crazy! ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“Just put yourself in my hands for two years, ¢â‚¬  said the shrink.

 ¢â‚¬Å“Come to me three times a week and I ¢â‚¬â„¢ll cure you. ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“How much do you charge? ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“A hundred dollars per visit. ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“I ¢â‚¬â„¢ll think about it. ¢â‚¬ 

Jay never went back. Some time later he met the doctor on the street.

 ¢â‚¬Å“Why didn ¢â‚¬â„¢t you ever come to see me again? Asked the psychiatrist.

 ¢â‚¬Å“For a hundred buck a visit? A bartender cured me for 10 dollars. ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“Is that so! How? ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. ¢â‚¬ 

====================

Peter called his doctor ¢â‚¬â„¢s office for an appointment.  ¢â‚¬Å“I ¢â‚¬â„¢m sorry, ¢â‚¬  said the receptionist,  ¢â‚¬Å“we can ¢â‚¬â„¢t fit you in for at least two weeks. ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“But I could be dead by then! ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“No problem. If your wife lets us know, we ¢â‚¬â„¢ll cancel the appointment. ¢â‚¬ 

==============

A male frog goes to a psychic. The psychic tells him, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

The frog becomes excited, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”

“No,” says the psychic, “in her biology class.”

==============

A skydiver is enjoying his free-fall, when he realizes that he has reached the altitude where he must open his parachute, he pulls the ripcord, but nothing happens.  ¢â‚¬Å“No problem, ¢â‚¬  he says to himself,  ¢â‚¬Å“I still have my emergency chute. ¢â‚¬  So he pulls the ripcord on his emergency parachute, and once again, nothing happens. Now the man begins to panic.  ¢â‚¬Å“What am I going to do? ¢â‚¬  He thinks.  ¢â‚¬Å“I ¢â‚¬â„¢m a goner. ¢â‚¬ 

Just then, he sees a man flying up from the earth toward him. He can ¢â‚¬â„¢t figure out where this man is coming from or what he ¢â‚¬â„¢s doing, but he says to himself,  ¢â‚¬Å“I hope he can help me. If he can ¢â‚¬â„¢t, then I ¢â‚¬â„¢m in real trouble. ¢â‚¬  When the man gets close enough to him, the skydiver cups his hands and shouts,  ¢â‚¬Å“Hey, do you know anything about parachutes? ¢â‚¬ 

The man coming up cups his hands and yells back,  ¢â‚¬Å“No! Do you know anything about gas stoves? ¢â‚¬ 

====================

Little Johnny’s class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board. On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, “it was so nice of you to put my daddy’s picture up there.”

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