A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn’t stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

“I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?”

“My wife’s.”

”What happened to her?”

“She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her.”

He inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

The man answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.”

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

The man replied, “Get in line.”

==============

Did I read that sign right?

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER…… PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer’s field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK)

=====================

In a convent in Ireland ,

the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.

The nuns gathered around her bed

trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink

but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass

back to the kitchen.

Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey

that had been received as a gift

the previous Christmas ,

she opened it and poured a generous amount

into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior’s bed,

they held the glass to her lips.

The frail nun drank a little,

then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened,

the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity

to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

“Mother,”   the nuns asked earnestly,

“Please give us some of your wisdom

before you leave us.”

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:

“Don’t sell that cow”

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