Reflection: self control the 9^th fruit of the Spirit  [1]

These notes are from a reflection given at Wednesday Koinonia on 25 July 2012  

“It is better to be patient than powerful. It is better to win control over yourself than over whole cities.” (Prov 16:32)

Activity

Participants were asked to take two or three brightly coloured pipe cleaners and make something with them if they would like to.

Introduction. Self control vs freedom  ¢â‚¬“ are they opposites?  

 ¢â‚¬ËœSelf control ¢â‚¬â„¢ is not such a nice topic in most circles. We live in a time where a favourite life philosophy is  ¢â‚¬Å“If it feels good (or right), do it! ¢â‚¬  Being true to yourself, and indulging your instincts, is an ideal for some. But in Christian circles, and around this room, I suspect that there is more an experience of having had the need for self control drummed into us. These days, the word  ¢â‚¬Ëœcontrol ¢â‚¬â„¢ gets bad press, particularly in charismatic Christian circles – a reaction against the formal hierarchical control and set liturgies of traditional churches. There is a lot of talk about being  ¢â‚¬Ëœfree in the Spirit ¢â‚¬â„¢ rather than legalistic. Paradoxically, the context of Paul ¢â‚¬â„¢s reference to self control is a discussion about being free in the Spirit:  ¢â‚¬ËœIt is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery ¢â‚¬â„¢ (Gal 5:1). On the other hand, Paul teaches that a  ¢â‚¬Ëœdisciple ¢â‚¬â„¢ is supposed to be  ¢â‚¬Ëœdisciplined ¢â‚¬â„¢.  ¢â‚¬ËœBut do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love ¢â‚¬â„¢ (5:13).  ¢â‚¬Ëœ ¢â‚¬ ¦I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize ¢â‚¬â„¢ (1 Cor 9: 24-27).

Self control: the last of the 9 fruit of the Spirit in Gal 5:22-23

Self-control is the Greek word enkrates[2] from en = in + kr ƒ ¡tos = power is literally one having power to “hold oneself in” or to “master self”. Also translated as  ¢â‚¬Å“Temperance ¢â‚¬  (KJV). Enkrates means the ability to have dominion over self, restraint over one ¢â‚¬â„¢s own emotions and appetites, impulses and desires. Interestingly, the term plays little role in The Bible. Aside from 2 Peter 1:6, the NT references are from Paul. Socrates regarded enkrateia as a cardinal virtue. Philo had a high regard for it as superiority expressed in self restraint. Eastern religions teach physical and emotional self control and removal of desire to attain the utmost in spirituality.

Illustrations

What does lack of self control look like? Golf, the game of life, where self control is hugely important, provides us with some examples:

Tiger Woods losing his temper, and his game:  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sagfaCOHH6Q

And ten famous golfing tantrums:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvRDeIQR8Uk

I could have used John McEnroe and other public sporting figures just as well! What consequences do you reckon these people suffered for their outbursts? Usually, a loss of concentration and of their chances to do well.

Common displays of lack of self control:

Talking too much, interrupting

Anger outbursts

Eating disorders

Substance abuse  ¢â‚¬“ drugs, alcohol, caffeine

Untamed sexual activity

Addiction to pornography

Untidiness

TV over-watching

Lack of physical exercise

Procrastination

Domestic violence

Being habitually late

Driving too fast

Road rage

Pokies / gambling

My own experiences with self control:

As a child, learning to use knife and fork and eat  ¢â‚¬Ëœproperly ¢â‚¬â„¢. Doing homework every night. Not complaining or  ¢â‚¬Ëœtalking back ¢â‚¬â„¢ even when parents seemed unfair. Not being allowed to ask for something we wanted (eg an ice cream). Not wetting my pants at school. Not talking in class. But later on came the  ¢â‚¬ËœChristian ¢â‚¬â„¢ version:   fasting, prayer, having a daily  ¢â‚¬Ëœquiet time ¢â‚¬â„¢. We were taught against such things as undisciplined eating and gossipping; not driving too fast; no sex before marriage ¢â‚¬ ¦ What about silent retreats (seemingly impossible for extroverts!!) My husband is a model of self discipline  ¢â‚¬“ he ran marathons. Reminiscent of Paul ¢â‚¬â„¢s words about athletes ¢â‚¬â„¢ training, already mentioned.

Two weeks ago I asked a question on email and facebook: What is the first thing you think of, or the feeling you get, when you hear the term ‘self control’? Your replies were very helpful. They included: unpleasant self restriction, rules and regulations, hopelessness, determination, confusion, weaknesses eg food, miserable failure, sense of victory and freedom after strict upbringing, rage, anger,  ¢â‚¬ËœI refuse ¢â‚¬â„¢, controlling yourself, controlling one ¢â‚¬â„¢s tongue, controlling sexual apparatus / thoughts, meekness-humility, weight loss issue, perfectionism, drivenness, the horror of fasting, regimentation like the army, boring / uncreative, self righteousness, self denial and asceticism, level emotions no matter what the circumstances.

We see that many responses have been negative. [Felix, Governor of Caesarea, appeared to have a problem with self control too (Acts 24:25 – As Paul talked about righteousness, self-control and the judgment to come, Felix was afraid and said,  ¢â‚¬ËœThat ¢â‚¬â„¢s enough for now! You may leave. When I find it convenient, I will send for you. ¢â‚¬â„¢)! Also, Paul:  ^{¢â‚¬Ëœ}So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God ¢â‚¬â„¢s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! ¢â‚¬â„¢ (Rom 7:21-25)] There seems to be something in us which is naturally opposed to godly self control.

Discussion: Is it possible to have too much self control? Can self control can be dysfunctional?

I ¢â‚¬â„¢ll share one of mine here ¢â‚¬ ¦ Keeping my room nauseatingly tidy to the point of obsession (and having my sister tease me by messing it up). Here is an extract from Please Don ¢â‚¬â„¢t Eat the Daisies: the author, Jean Kerr, is describing one of her twins.  ¢â‚¬Å“He has a feeling for order and a passion for system that would be trying in a head nurse. If his pyjamas are hung on the third hook in the closet instead of on the second hook, it causes him real pain. If one slat in a Venetian blind is tipped in the wrong direction he can’t have a moment’s peace until somebody fixes it. Indeed, if one of the beans on his plate is slightly longer than the others he can scarcely bear to eat it. It’s hard for him to live with the rest of us. And vice versa. ¢â‚¬  Well, that was me!

What might be other dysfunctions of self control? (maybe rigidity, stiff joints, inability to relax / sleep, paralysis by analysis / procrastination, perfectionism, legalism ¢â‚¬ ¦ Also, self righteousness and judgmentalism can result ¢â‚¬ ¦ Imbalance between self control and controlling others.)

Other relevant Bible texts

On anger and unwholesome talk  ¢â‚¬“ what is a benefit of controlling these? (Eph 4: 26-29)

A tight rein on the tongue (James 1:26)

Why limit the food we eat, even wholesome food? (Prov 25:16)

The need to endure, persist (Mat 24:13)

Control of thoughts (2 Cor 10: 4-5)

What is wrong with sexual promiscuity? (1 Cor 6:13-20)

What is lack of self control like? (Prov 25:28)

Jesus on self denial (Luke 9: 23)

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline (a sound mind). 2 Tim 1:7

Individual reflection

Think of one or more areas of your life where you tend to have a high degree of self control.

Think of one or more areas of your life where you tend to lack self control.

If you would like to, take a brief moment to share these with someone else (please respect others ¢â‚¬â„¢ privacy). Otherwise, reflect individually.

Short testimony

One member of the group shared his experience of both negatives and positives of self control. He spoke of a long term fear that God would punish him for every small instance of self control, but also that self control has played a major part in managing his depression better over recent years. This has led to significant freedom for him.

Conclusion

Does God expect us to clench our teeth and steel ourselves through life, squeezing ourselves into a small and uninviting prison cell? If self control is a fruit of the Spirit, then it can only flow out of our faith and our relationship with God. It ¢â‚¬â„¢s a fruit, not the root. Can we trust God to take hold of all our failed attempts to control ourselves, all our unfulfilled hopes and good intentions, and even our doubts and fears about overcoming our habits and indulgences, and allow him to grace us with the motivation of his Spirit in these things? (Phil 2:13) His Way, his Truth, his Life? Understanding that power over self comes through loss of self? Sometimes even a strong will isn ¢â‚¬â„¢t enough. “The mind-set of the flesh is hostile to God because it does not submit itself to God’s law, for it is unable to do so” (Rom 8:7)

Why is self control the last of the 9 fruit? Is it therefore the least important? Or, perhaps we need it for the other 8 ¢â‚¬ ¦ let ¢â‚¬â„¢s say, the 1st and the 9th are the two book-ends. For self control, then, love is our motivation – love of God, love of ourselves, and love of others. And love is also our empowerment.

–>  Look at your pipe cleaner sculpture. The wild, strong colours are the love of God. He gave you freedom to make what you wanted with the pipe cleaner. But you exercised self control to do it.

Prayer (read first, then say together if you agree):

Dear God, hear the cries of our hearts regarding our failures, our doubts and fears. At times, we lose even our motivation to want to live by your Spirit. But on occasions we have been aware of your love, guiding and strengthening us. Help us to want to exercise the kind of self control that blesses others and ourselves. Help us to decide to make a start, in an area of difficulty, and by your Spirit, give us the power and love to follow it through. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

Janice Newham

25 July 2012