Three old timers chatting at restaurant! They sat down at a table while waiting to be served. One of them said; Hay Jake! Isn ¢â‚¬â„¢t this your 50th anniversary? Jake replies! Yep. Well, the old timer asked, what are you planning on doing? Jake replies, well! I remember taking my wife to Arizona on our 25th anniversary. The other old timer asked, Oh ya, so what are your plans for your 50th anniversary? Jake replies, I ¢â‚¬â„¢m going back to pick her up!!!!!!!

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 ¢â‚¬Å“Well,” snarled the tough old sergeant to the bewildered  private. “I suppose after you get discharged from the Army,  you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and  spit on my grave.”

“Not me, Serge!” the private replied. “Once I get out of   the Army, I’m never going to stand in line again!”

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A man was walking down the street when he came across a body lying on the sidewalk. He ran to a phone and called 911.

The operator asked him where he was and the man replied,  ¢â‚¬Å“I ¢â‚¬â„¢m on Sycamore Drive. ¢â‚¬ 

 ¢â‚¬Å“How do you spell that? ¢â‚¬  the operator asked.

 ¢â‚¬Å“S-i-c-k ¢â‚¬ ¦ ¢â‚¬  the man began.  ¢â‚¬Å“No, s-i-c-a ¢â‚¬ ¦.. ¢â‚¬  no, s-i-k-a ¢â‚¬ ¦. oh heck, let me drag him over to Lake street and I ¢â‚¬â„¢ll call you back. ¢â‚¬ 

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EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?

Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on “Start”?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

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