“Dad, where did I come from?” asks this 10-years-old. The father was shocked that a 10 year old would be asking a question like that. He was hoping to wait a few more years before he would have to explain the facts of life, but he figured it was better a few years early than a few days too late, so, for the next two hours he explained every thing to his son. When he got finished, he asked his son what prompted his question to which his son replied, “I was talking to the new kid across the street and he said he came from Ohio, so I was just wondering where I came from.”
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Chris had just turned 16 had long hair, and look like Joe Dirt. He went to his dad and asked: “Dad it is my 16th birthday! I would like you to by me a car for my birthday. ¢â‚¬ So his dad replied, “Son, I will buy you any car that you want as long as you raise your grades AND cut your hair.” Chris said ok. The next week, Chris brought home a report card he had raised all his grades from c’s and d’s to all a’s. His father was very happy! Now Chris was so excited he told his dad what car he wanted a, convertible mustang (red). His dad said, “Chris you haven’t cut your hair.” Chris replied, “Well Jesus had long hair.” His dad said, “yeah, and Jesus walked everywhere he went!”
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One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing. The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips. They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says, “When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree.” So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started. “Of course,” added the grandpa, “when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall.”
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A guy is passing a Mental Hospital surrounded by a wall and he hears the chanting inside, Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen! Curious to see what ¢â‚¬â„¢s going on he finds a small hole in the wall, so he bends and peeks inside. Someone inside pokes him hard in the eye and everyone starts inside chanting, Fourteen! Fourtee! Fourteen!
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This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked the man’s driver’s license, he said, “You’re wearing glasses on your ID and you’re not now. I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”
The guy said, “Officer, I have contacts.”
The cop said, “Look, buddy, I don’t care who you know, … I’m giving you a ticket.”
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A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.
He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’
‘This is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.
‘Wow! Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.
‘Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.’
The man gestured, and the gate began to open. ‘Can my friend,’ gesturing toward his dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveller asked.
‘I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.’
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book….
‘Excuse me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’
‘Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’
‘How about my friend here?’ the traveller gestured to the dog.
‘There should be a bowl by the pump,’ said the man.
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
‘What do you call this place?’ the traveler asked.
‘This is Heaven,’ he answered.
‘Well, that’s confusing,’ the traveller said. ‘The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.’
‘Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s hell.’
‘Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?’
‘No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.’
Discussion
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