“I had some feleing in the passion Of Christe, but yet I desired more be the grace of God – and after lyven more to the worshippe of God ”

Julian of Norwich, II

As an introduction to the “revelations” that follow, Julian tells us that she had “some time earlier” asked three things of God: (1) to understand His passion; (2) to suffer physically while still a young woman; and, as we shall see next time, (3) to have the gift of three wounds.

The first involved Julian wanting to experience more deeply the depth of Christ’s sufferings. She wishes to feel the pain that the women who were with Jesus at the cross would have felt – not because she is some kind of masochist or because she feels this will somehow earn her credit with God. In her sharing in the grief of “Mary Magdalene and the others who loved him” Julian wants to come to a place where she more deeply understands the price that was paid for her and thereby keep this life in a clearer perspective.

In a related way, in her second request, Julian hopes that a time of serious illness (“to the point of dying”) will help her be weaned from the things of this world. Like many other medieval theologians and mystics, by seeing how flimsy life actually is Julian hopes to be drawn more closely into an intimate relationship with God. “I would have no manner comfort of earthly life”, she yearns to be “purged” and come to a place where she can live more clearly in step with God and His will. Bernard of Clairvaux spoke of experiencing the “wounding” of God’s love – a wounding not given so that we might be tortured (as if God “enjoys” the suffering of His children), but rather, that the hardening of his heart might be cracked and broken. As Paul says in Galatians 6: “let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.” Paul’s authority does not simply derive from being an “apostle”, but more profoundly from his having walked the road of obedience, and thus suffering, for and with His master . God takes no pleasure in our suffering, but nevertheless uses it to draw us closer to His love. Closer to a place where we can see that nothing else but His love truly gives meaning and hope. This is why writers like John (for example Revelation 2:10); Peter (1 Peter 4), and Paul (Philippians 1) all make it clear that suffering is an expected, and perhaps even sought after, part of the Christians walk.

After the first two requests Julian states that she does not want them answered if they are somehow contrary to God’s Will – and if they would not have the desired effect of deepening her spiritual passion. They are a means to an end – what that prize might be she makes clear in with her third request.