English has an insatiable appetite for new words, new meanings or interpretations. Most new words – or  neologisms  (from Greek  neo+logos,  or  new word)   ¢â‚¬“ are self-explanatory, but some new words and new meanings arise from the parallel universe of punsters.  

Noelogisms  invites you to step into the fun that pervades this parallel universe, with over a thousand different puns, homophones and other wordplay. And yes,  neologism  has been deliberately misspelled. Punster Noel Mitaxa, whose childhood was infused with wordplay, could not resist adding yet another personal twist while he was shaping this book.

If any entries look puzzling, reading them aloud may help. You are freely aloud to do this, though to do so while commuting may result in withering disdain from some fellow travellers, but conversely by an expansion of your personal  groan zone, as you befriend others who show themselves to be fellow word-nerds or phonetic fanatics.

Alex Zikon

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Abracadaver –  When a magician ¢â‚¬â„¢s assistant does not survive being sawn in two.  

Baroque Obama –  A flamboyant seventeenth-century president.  

Crow Magnon –  A landmark stage in the development of blackbirds.

Don Coyote:  A western musical about a prairie wolf with the same Impossible Dream asDonkey Hotie.    

Ennui the Eighth -  A much-married English king who quickly got bored with each of his wives.

Forghetti -  An Italian pasta dish which the waiter only serves after being reminded several times.

Goldilocks –  A sad case of limited ancestry. While we all have forebears, she only had three ¢â‚¬ ¦

Holy Grail –  A highly-prized religious relic whose location is a chalicely-guarded secret.

Iraq –  Where people once secretly feared spiders; but now everyone ¢â‚¬â„¢s heard ofIraqnophobia.

Jung, Carl –  A psychology pioneer whose ideas are mostly embraced by the jung at heart.

Kindle-garten -    E-books for pre-school children.

Librarians:  Booklovers who work reliably on borrowed time at high or low volume, all by them shelves.

Meanderthal Nan -  A Stone-Age grandmother who kept wandering away from the cave.

Nondescrypt -  An unremarkable burial site.

Omnivorous:  A sign of being so gullible that you will swallow anything.

Port Said  ¢â‚¬“  An Egyptian coastal city which is just as visible from a ship ¢â‚¬â„¢s Starboard Said.

Quadrupeds  ¢â‚¬“  Zoologists are divided over whether these animals have four legs or forelegs.

Racks of Lamb  ¢â‚¬“  A menu choice whose increasing popularity may cause a lack of rams.

Swan Lake  ¢â‚¬“  The best-known ballet to bear Tchaikovsky ¢â‚¬â„¢s cygneture.

T ¢â‚¬â„¢ephylon  ¢â‚¬“  An anti-stick coating for cooking utensils that chefs used in ancient Babylon.

Uncalled four  ¢â‚¬“  Needless actions by an anonymous quartet.

Vixen  ¢â‚¬“  A foxy lady who is skilled in vixen everything as she wants it to be.

Wig  ¢â‚¬“  An expensive element of false hood, for which wearers have toupee a lot of money.

Xtragen   ¢â‚¬“ An immediate result of female hormone replacement therapy.

Yes man -  Someone with all the courage of his boss ¢â‚¬â„¢ convictions.

Zygotes  ¢â‚¬“  Embryonic embryos which are created when eggs are fertilized by sperm cells who are so competitive that one cell told his rival:  ¢â‚¬Å“You think you ¢â‚¬â„¢ll be first? Ovum my dead body! ¢â‚¬  However his rival was not very bright, so this threat went right ovaries head.

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You ¢â‚¬â„¢ll find over eleven hundred more entries like these in  Noelogisms ¢â‚¬ ¦    which is now an Amazon Kindle e-book for $3.99.

It is set up for any Kindle e-book device and can also be read on iPhones, iPads and Android smart phones and tablets, through the Kindle apps available for Apple & Android products.