One day a man found an odd-looking lamp and rubbed it.

From inside came a genie that told him he would get three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.

“What would you like for your first wish?” asked the genie.

“I want one billion dollars,” replies the man.

“Remember,” says the genie, “your mother-in-law gets double of what you get.”

“I know,” replied the man.

The man then chooses his second wish, “I wish I had a brand new sports car.” So he gets his second wish and he’s very content.

“Your mother-in-law gets double what you get, now what would you like for your third wish?” asks the genie.

The man ponders for a moment, then answers, “I wish to be beaten half to death.”

==============

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?  ¢â‚¬Å“

The farmer replies, “I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize.  ¢â‚¬Å“How?” asks the man, puzzled.  ¢â‚¬Å“Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . .

to people who are out standing in their field.”

============

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road.

His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave.

The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, “Why did you die? Why did you die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I don’t want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I’ve ever seen before.

For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?”

The mourner answered, “My wife’s first husband! … Why did you die? Why did you die?”

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