Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them), are figures of speech in
which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected;
frequently humorous.

1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until
you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in
a fruit salad.

8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is
research.

9. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

10. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency,
Notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR’.

11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to
skydive twice.

13. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure..

14. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in
a garage makes you a mechanic.

15. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

16. I’m supposed to respect my elders, but its getting harder and harder
for me to find one now.

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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian

182 Paraprosdokians