Clergy/Leaders’ Mail-list No. 1-033 (Family Issues)

(From All About Families)

THE NEED FOR ENCOURAGEMENT (Encouragement – Part 1)

by Norman and Ann Bales

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. (Hebrews 10:24)

In his book, Building Stronger Families, Dr. Royce Money identified the desire to be appreciated as a fundamental human need. He noted, ” . . . we shouldn’t be surprised when it is placed in the context of those who matter most to us – our very own family. When total strangers or casual acquaintances fail to show appreciation or build us up, we may take passing note of the fact, but it will hardly ruin our day. But when we fail to get any type of positive response from our very own – what a blow!” (pp. 16-17).

In our ministry, we frequently talk with people who feel discouraged. They live under constant pressure from people at work, in the marketplace, sometimes in the church and even in what should be the safe haven of their homes. Their frustration level runs high and many feel a sense of disillusionment. They can identify with the sentiment of the late Thomas Wolfe who feared ” . . . the bright and shining morning with its promise of new beginnings will never come upon the earth again as it once did”

People have a desperate need for encouragement and there is no place in modern society where we need it more than in the family. Unfortunately, it’s much easier to say that we need to give one another encouragement than it is to actually create an environment of positive reinforcement.

* The Need For Family Encouragement is Enormous

Wives Need Encouragement.

How much encouragement does the typical wife receive from her husband? Some wives go years without receiving any tangible evidence of appreciation. But how much does it cost to bring home a rose in a bud vase with an attached card on which you write the words, “I love you?” We can hear the cynic groan in protest, “I’m not going to be intimidated by over commercialized propaganda disseminated by the floral industry. I’m a practical person and I won’t throw away money on frivolous symbols like flowers that fade in a week’s time.” Of course the same person never reasons that way about expensive golf balls that he loses in a water hazard or fishing lure that gets caught in a tree.

For the moment, let’s grant the commercial argument. Could you just say, “Honey, you prepare the greatest meals in the world?” How long has it been since you noticed the tasteful way she dresses. …

Here’s the point we’re trying to make. Some wives, especially the mothers of young children, never hear words of encouragement. They wipe running noses, attend to skinned knees, resolve quarrels among siblings, cope with ink stains that won’t come out of your shirt, prepare meals, wash dishes, iron and pick up your dirty clothes off the floor where you left them. On top of all that, they never speak to anyone over the age of five during the entire day. They need encouragement like a fish needs water.

Husbands Need Encouragement.

Many husbands work in a pressure-laden environment. After a day of trying to meet quotas, responding to demands and fielding questions designed to attach blame for things that go wrong, they drive home in a stupor. They simply want to collapse in their recliners and unwind. Sometimes, however, a husband walks in the door in the middle of a noisy game involving his children and the neighborhood children.

The whole thing takes place inside the house because it’s a rainy day. He decides to work his way into the kitchen to find out what’s being prepared for supper. His wife greets him with her own frustrations and confesses that supper hasn’t even been started. “Could you go down to the fast food restaurant and pick up something for supper?” she asks. But before he leaves, he’s subjected to a review of his oldest child’s report card and the news isn’t good. She reminds him that the automatic washer has been making strange noises for three weeks and wants to know when he’s going to take a look at it.

He can’t escape the problems of the noisy children, the uncooked meal, the negative report card and the troublesome washer, but it might make a big difference if she adopted a different way of greeting him. She could start by throwing her arms around him and saying, “It’s so good to have you home. I’ve been missing you all day.” I suggested that procedure to a group of ladies in a ladies Bible class one day. I’ll never forget the lady who said, “If I did that my husband would fall dead of a heart attack right on the spot.” I’d say go ahead and run the risk. The potential rewards are worth it. …

Part 2: Encouragement Requires Patience

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