(Philippians 2:19-30)

Former Premier of New South Wales, Neville Wran, is a powerful
communicator and media player with an eloquent yet simple manner.
Speaking at the memorial service for his lifelong friend Lionel Murphy
in October 1986, he said, "There used to be a good Australian word for
the value of openness and equality in our society. I am proud I can
still use that word for Lionel Murphy. He was my mate" (Jenny Hocking,
Lionel Murphy: A Political Biography (Cambridge: Cambridge University
Press, 1997) 314).

The notion of mateship is often viewed as one of the defining motifs
of the Australian national character. Where the English have pals and
the Americans have buddies, we have mates.

And the significance of mateship, that strong bond of equality and
openness referred to by Neville Wran, is perhaps most clearly
demonstrated in the relations between Australian soldiers in times of
war, as we remembered in yesterday’s Anzac Day commemoration.

We all have mates – friends who share common values and experiences,
friends whose company we enjoy, who laugh with us in the good times and
who stick with us when the going gets tough. A loyal, resourceful
friend is a special treasure. Who’s on your list of ‘living treasures’?

Friendship has been highly valued since the beginning of human
history. Adam had an Eve; David had a Jonathan; Jesus had a small
circle of close friends, like Lazarus and his sisters at Bethany; at the
close of his letter to the Colossians, Paul mentions "our dear friend
Luke, the doctor" (Colossians 4:14).

Aristotle identified three kinds of friendship between equals: true
friendship between virtuous people based on goodwill, loyalty and trust;
friendship based on pleasure, in which we enjoy the same thing; and
friendship based on need – a purely utilitarian arrangement.

In the ancient world friendship was taken very seriously, and it’s
worth noting that, in his letter to the Philippians, Paul casts himself
as a friend rather than as the apostle or father figure common to his
other letters. He was, in a real sense, their mate.

In our passage, Paul mentions two of his mates by name: Timothy and
Epaphroditus. There’s no profound theology: simply travel plans for the
three friends. When Paul has some idea of the progress of his case, he
will send Timothy to Philippi, and he hopes to follow soon. In the
meantime, he will send Epaphroditus with news of his condition and with
a letter for the church.

Timothy, who had a Jewish mother and a Greek father, came from
Lystra and was probably converted during Paul’s first missionary
journey. Timothy joined Paul on his second missionary journey, possibly
as a replacement for John Mark, and proved both hard working and loyal.

Paul includes Timothy in the greeting of four of his letters, and
clearly regarded him as a personal friend and indispensable servant of
God, and Timothy became Paul’s reluctant successor, leading the second
generation of Christian leaders.

Epaphroditus, whose home town was Philippi, was also a good friend
of Paul’s. As a delegate of the Philippian church, he brought a gift to
Paul in prison, and took care of Paul’s needs for some time, before
falling ill and almost dying. But God mercifully restored his health,
and it seems that Paul chose him to take the letter back to Philippi.

Paul has nothing but high commendation for these two friends. Of
Timothy he says, "I have no one else like him, who takes a genuine
interest in your welfare. For everyone looks out for his own interests,
not those of Jesus Christ. But you know that Timothy has proved
himself, because as a son with a father he has served with me in the
work of the gospel" (verses 20-22).

We should endeavour to develop these same qualities today: unity of
purpose, expressed in genuine concern for others. An excellent solution
to the problems that shatter friendships and plague churches, parachurch
organisations and our denomination is this: do what Jesus did, and what
Timothy did, putting the interests of others before our own.

It’s just as relevant in a marriage relationship. A legal contract
won’t hold a marriage together; it needs mutual affection, reciprocal
acts of love. A marriage that is one sided, where both parties are not
consistently giving and enriching the relationship, is a marriage
destined to fail.

When you have a lot of rough edges, you’re easy to get hold of but
hard to embrace. "How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?" asks
Michael Bolton in one of his songs. With great difficulty!

Paul continues, describing his friend Epaphroditus as "my brother,
fellow worker and fellow soldier . . . welcome him in the Lord with
great joy, and honour men like him, because he almost died for the work
of Christ, risking his life to make up for the help you could not give
me" (verses 25, 29-30).

Incarceration in the first century Roman world had its
disadvantages: prisoners were not cared for by the state, and the
necessities of life had to be supplied by family or friends. In a
beautiful expression of the grace of the gospel, the Philippian church
served as Paul’s family, sending Epaphroditus with gifts to meet Paul’s
needs.

When I lived in Lae, Papua New Guinea, prisoners were given one cup
of rice per day, and their families were expected to provide what was
lacking. A similar policy operated for hospital patients; they even had
to supply their own bed linen. On several occasions I recall my mother
stirring a giant pot of stew on the stove to feed patients whose
families couldn’t feed them.

Epaphroditus served Paul in a similar manner, and they quickly
developed a strong friendship. He risked his life and almost died for
"the work of Christ" (verse 30) – either continuing Paul’s ministry
while Paul was incarcerated, or simply caring for his friend’s needs.

Either way, Epaphroditus fell ill and, without the aid of modern
medical science, found himself at death’s door. But God intervened,
pulling him back from the brink, and mercifully restoring him to a state
of health where he could continue to serve Paul in his time of need, and
prepare to travel back to his home.

Keep praying for your ill friend; our God is a compassionate and
merciful God.

Paul was fortunate to surround himself with such quality friends as
Timothy and Epaphroditus. Although he was probably not the smoothest of
characters, he developed several such friendships during his life of
ministry, and he relied heavily on them while he was in prison –
physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Why do we need friends? The presence of a friend assures us that we
are not alone in the world. A friend provides companionship,
understanding, encouragement, a listening ear.

A friend is someone with whom you can share your burdens and fears
in confidence, who will help you and care for your needs, and who will
pray for you. Paul valued his friendships and relied on his friends to
help him in his apostolic mission and to support him amid persecution
and suffering for the name of Christ.

Do you have a few good friends you can count on, no matter what
happens? Can your friends count on you to help them, to take a genuine
interest in their welfare, even to risk your life for their sake? What
you make of your life is up to you, but here are three suggestions to
help you get the most out of life:

First, celebrate old relationships. Deepen your roots; renew and
strengthen the longterm friendships you enjoy. As life progresses,
those relationships change. Don’t let them wither and fade away;
maintain contact, share yourself, celebrate your shared experiences.

If you knew you had one day to live, and you could make one
telephone call, who would you call, and what would you say – and why are
you waiting?

Second, generate new friendships. Expand your networks, reaching
out to people you don’t know. The world can be a miserable place, and
its misery is multiplied when we have no friend to walk with us.
There’s always someone nearby who needs what you can give.

A friend of mine was walking down a road in Ipswich, Queensland, one
day, and he stopped to speak to a man standing beside the road. After a
while the man revealed that he had been about to commit suicide, and my
friend was able to lead him to the Lord.

There are people all around us who need companionship and
encouragement. It takes a small sacrifice to reach out and make a new
friend, and if someone reaches out to you, don’t ignore them.

Third, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Don’t be afraid to open
your heart and share your passions and your dreams, your hopes and
fears, your strengths and your weaknesses. It’s in moments when you
share yourself that you grow as a person, and you connect with others.

Our church is about to launch a new ministry to men starting with a
breakfast on 23 May with Bishop Dudley Foord as guest speaker.

The purpose of this ministry is to build relationships between men
in our church and community, enhancing our personal well-being,
encouraging emotional and spiritual maturity, and promoting effective
discipleship and evangelism.

Let me encourage the men here today to keep the date free, and
invite other men to the breakfast.

There’s one thing better than having a good friend, and that’s
having God as your friend. Jesus said to his disciples on one occasion,
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his
friends. You are my friends if you do what I command" (John 15:13-14).

Jesus laid down his life for you. He put his life on the line and
died for you, and now he invites you to respond to his love and accept
his salvation. His friendship is one that will never wither or fail:

"I am the Good Shepherd . . . My sheep listen to my voice; I know
them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall
never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has
given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my
Father’s hand. I and my Father are one" (John 10:14a, 27-30).

Copyright  © 1998 Rod Benson. All rights reserved. Sermon 154
presented at Blakehurst Baptist Church, Sydney, Australia, on Sunday 26
April 1998. Unless otherwise noted, scripture quotations are from The
Holy Bible: New International Version (London: Hodder & Stoughton,
1980).

Recommended reading:
Larry Crabb & Dan Alexander, Encouragement:
The Key to Caring (Homebush West: Anzea, 1990).
David Jansen &
Margaret Newman, Really Relating: How to Build an Enduring Relationship
(Milsons Point, NSW: Random House, 1989).