by Marjorie Lee Chandler, author of AFTER YOUR CHILD DIVORCES.

As a parent, any loss of connection to a child — an offspring growing up, or an adult child — reflects our inadequate love. Although we may never “disown” a child we truly love, our ability to express love may get sidetracked because of anger, fear, disappointment, and other parenting frustrations.

Loving our children begins with a deliberate decision to model kindness in our families. Sometimes we have to put aside our impulses and, instead, choose to love. The gift of love is not based on what our child does or doesn’t do; rather, it’s based on our consistent desire for relationship.

Love is an imperative! It’s how we are made. “Love is a healing force. I believe that firmly!,” said Irma, describing the ripples of pain she felt after her adult son made some foolish mistakes. This mom discovered that choosing to love our children — no matter what — protects us from resentment and self pity. Love heals. And healing love multiplies itself — the more we give love, the more we have left over.

Parental love is a matter of the heart. It’s knowing the person your child can be but isn’t there yet. Parents depend on love to link the generations. Christian love can bind up the broken links in a family circle. The oft-quoted message of love in 1 Corinthians 13 guides us: “Until that completeness, we have three things to do… Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.”

[This “Family Matters” selection is an excerpt adapted from the chapter “Bonding Through Friendship, Love and Hope,” in AFTER YOUR CHILD DIVORCES.]

ABOUT MARJORIE LEE CHANDLER:

Marjorie Lee Chandler is an author and speaker for Family-Ties Ministries. With a BFA from Ohio University and graduate work at the University of Michigan and California State Los Angeles, she was formerly a speech and language therapist at Citrus College, Azusa, Calif. A family advocate, Marjorie Lee was UNICEF’s southern California publicist for the International Year of the Child, 1979. Her prolific writing has focused on a broad spectrum of family issues. Marjorie Lee and her author husband, Russell, parent a blended family of six grown children and 15 grandchildren.

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