by Norman Bales

Recently, I spent a week at home recovering from surgery. It was
not a week that I will remember with great fondness. I haven’t had
much experience with boredom in my entire life, but I think I must have
gotten pretty close to that when I realized I was looking forward to
seeing the weather report.

Actually Ann had the tough job. For the first couple of days, I was
close to being totally dependent on her. Then as I felt better I gave
her a lot of trouble because I wanted to push the edge of how much I
could do for myself. Sometimes I wonder why they call a sick person a
patient. My lack of patience exposes me as a poor patient.

Actually being "under-the-weather" is a piece of cake for
a man, especially if he’s got someone around like Ann who alternately
pampered me and threatened bodily harm if I violated doctors orders one
more time. Being sick is a tough thing for a wife and a mom.

Most mothers only allow themselves about a half a day a year to be
sick. They grow weary of accumulated laundry, messes in the kitchen and
children fighting over whose turn it is to clean up said messes. A
husband might help out the first day of Mom’s illness, but there’s a
better than even chance that he will "have" to work late on
the second day. He’ll call and make his apologies. "Sorry, Hon. I
know how bad you feel, but I probably won’t be home until about 10
o’clock tonight." It doesn’t take him long to figure out the
relative degree of difficulty in life’s stresses. If demands from his
boss stresses him to a 7 on a scale of 1 to 10, his wife’s illness will
stress him to about an 11.2.

How should a husband deal with his wife illness? This is a good
time to make practical application if 1 Peter 3:7 "Husbands . . .
be considerate as your live with your wife . . .." It’s also a
good time to think about what you promised when you promised to love
your wife "in sickness as in health." Unfortunately both of
those statements tend to be somewhat abstract. Here are some concrete
applications of those abstract principles.

1. Take care of meal preparation. Learn how to cook. If you pride
yourself in your ability to tinker with engines, make things, improve
your golf swing, stalk game or persuade fish to attack your lure, you
can learn how to cook. If you don’t want to do that, at the very
least, have the decency outwitting a fish to both go by the deli and
pick food that’s already prepared. If you’re too lazy to do that, you
can have Pizza delivered to the house, but don’t expect your sick wife
to eat it. She needs something that’s a little blander. Above all,
don’t expect her to prepare food.

2. Take charge of the children. If you’ve been an absentee
father, it’s time to cancel golf dates, fishing trips and even some late
night meetings at work. If you have to, take a few vacation days.
Don’t fret over having to cancel a fishing trip to Canada. They boys
can do it without you this year. And when you spend time with the
children, make sure you’re there. Help them with homework. Make sure
they get their baths. See that they’re properly dressed for school.
Once I sent my daughter off to school. Her dress had a belt that had
to be tied in a bow. The teacher took one look at the way I tied the
bow and determined that Ann was sick that day. It would have been
better to select alternate clothing. You may need to get someone to
advise you about which colors go together and which ones don’t. That
may not be so crucial for boys, but with girls it is absolutely
essential.

3. Take care of your wife. She’s your best and most lasting
investment. How do you respond when your car runs poorly? Don’t you
take it to your mechanic. If your wife needs to go to the doctor,
make the appointment. If at all possible, take off from work at drive
her to his office. Pick up the prescription medicines and give her as
much TLC (tender loving care) as she needs. I have to issue a warning
here. I’m married to a woman who has three levels of TLC need. (1)
If she is seriously ill, she wants to be totally left alone to suffer in
silence. (2) If she is desperately ill, she needs attention to her
needs. That’s the time I need to stay home from work and give her
constant attention. (3) I can always tell when she improves. She
begins to complain. Your wife may respond differently. I would guess
that she will give you an agenda of how she wants to be treated and I
can guarantee that neglect is not on her agenda.

Basically it all boils down to the most fundamental principle of
human relations. We call it the "Golden Rule – "Do to
others as you would have them do to you" (Luke 6:31). The person
who shares your life deserves such consideration and she’ll never need
it more than she does during a time of illness.