by Ann Bales

The bonding that takes place between grandparents and grandchildren
is second only to that with their parents, and in some cases may exceed
it. As I think back to my own parent’s skills and grandparenting
attributes, I realize that many of my ways of parenting and
grandparenting came from them.

I have three siblings, two sisters and a brother. Mama was our best
friend. She was happy, fun loving and a beautiful Christian example. She
was a wonderful cook, spotless housekeeper, a good wife and she took
time for us and our activities. She did not work outside the home until
after Daddy died, so she was always there when we got home. I remember
her getting up and coming to my bedroom at night when I’d get in from a
date or activity, to see if I wanted to talk about the events of the
evening. She wasn’t nosy; she just loved me and that was one way she
showed it.

My Daddy was more serious, but he, too, liked to have fun. I learned
how important it was to help others in a time of need from him. He was a
dedicated employee, worked hard and climbed to the position he held when
he died, even though he had limited education. He wanted us to get all
the education we could. He and Mama made many sacrifices for us to do
that. He loved the outdoors, spending lots of time fishing and hunting.
I still love to fish and be outdoors and it is because of his example,
I’m sure.

All of these attributes carried into their grandparenting skills.
They were always there for the grandchildren. They took care of my
sisters two boys when they were young, while she went to beauty school
and then while she worked. They were always buying things for the
grandchildren that the parents couldn’t afford and sometimes these were
basic needs. They loved to spend time with the grandchildren doing
things that the kids liked to do. Daddy loved sports and was always
involved in some way, if nothing more than a spectator with all the boys
and he loved to take them to games. Our oldest son was only three when
Daddy died, but he still remembers "Papa" in a special way.
Daddy always wanted a granddaughter, but he had five grandsons when he
died. Our daughter is the only granddaughter in the family, but she
missed the love and influence he could have given her.

After Daddy died, Mama went to work outside the home, but she always
found time for the grandchildren. After she retired, she always went
with us on vacation and would just come for a visit and spend several
weeks. She stayed a vital part of their lives until her death in 1985.

Our children have many fond memories of Nannie, as they called her
and often when they are together will share those memories. One in
particular that we like to share is the time that Elliott, our oldest
son came home from school bemoaning the fate of several of his friends
during the summer. He was really feeling sorry for his friends because
they were going to spend several days with their grandparents and he
seemed to think it was going to be a terrible situation. I asked Elliott
why that was so bad. "You don’t ever complain about having to spend
time with Nannie," I said. "Oh, that’s different," was
his reply. "Nannies fun." Since becoming a grandmother almost
thirteen years ago, that has been my goal. I want my grandchildren to
remember me as my children remember Nannie. I would like for them to
look forward to spending time with Grammy, because "Grammy’s
fun."

I’ve used the word "memory" quite a lot. I’m not a person
who lives in the past, but I would not be where I am now were it not for
the stairway of the past. My mother and father were important links to
my present relationships with my own grandchildren even though my
parents were dead before my grandchildren were born.

In the 105th Psalm, the Psalmist says in verse 1 "Give thanks
to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has
done." (Notice the past tense). Through the balance of that Psalm
he recalls past events in the history of the nation of Israel and he
concludes in verse 45 by saying that God has done these things,
"that they might keep his precepts and obey his laws."
Throughout the Bible, history is used as a means to call on God’s people
for repentance and reform, to strengthen them in their moments of
weakness and to inspire them to greater heights of zeal. What is true of
nations is true of families. My parents and my grandparents provided me
a bridge to the place where I now stand and I’m working on extending the
bridge to my grandchildren.

What Others Say

About Grandparents’ Maturity: "Grandparents who know how to
back off when circumstances warrant, are truly a gift. They are of
special help when they can be available but not pushy, on call but not
always present, helpful, but not obvious." – Myron and Mary Ben
Madden.

About the Purpose of Grandparents: "Grandparents are for
sprinkling stardust into the lives of their grandchildren." – Alex
Haley

About the Unselfishness of Grandparents: "Grandparents who can
give without remembering, without counting the cost, and without
reminders are the grandparents who honor the Lord." – Donald and
Bea Campbell

About Spoiling Grandchildren: "I’m convinced it is as proper
for grandparents to spoil their children as it is completely improper
for their children to do so." – John Rosemond.