Zondervan Publishing House E-mail Alert Service
Family Matters
7/29/98

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A MOTHER GIVES WINGS

by Marjorie Lee Chandler author of AFTER YOUR CHILD DIVORCES
(Zondervan, 1997), and contributor to A MOTHER’S TOUCH, (Zondervan,
1998).

"At every child’s birth, a mother is born," begins
the photo-essay book, A MOTHER’S TOUCH. A mom touches the lives of her
children in incredible ways: nurturer, comforter, discipliner, playmate,
peacemaker, teacher, caregiver, encourager, character developer,
listener, — and launcher.

Our children are also the best mirrors we mothers have to see
ourselves without pretense and protocol. In our offspring, we starkly
face who we are as persons. We look with both pride and perplexity and
say:

"My child, in you I see me. My mirrored self is reflected
in your effervescent laughter, funny little stride, even the tilt of
your head. I marvel when you carry a tune, skate smoothly as a swan, or
curl up in bed with a good book. Some things I wish I didn’t see —
stubbornness, impatience, fretting about the unknown. How could I have
kept you from ‘borrowing’ these things from me?"

All moms know that one their child’s first words is
"no." We walk down the street and hear, "No hand!"
We quickly pull a shirt over their head and they cry, "No
help!" We reach to tie their shoes and they shake their head and
say, "Me do!"

Just as mothers release their newborn from the safety and
protection of the womb, wise ones also release their maturing child into
adulthood. Mothering for the "long haul" builds a friendship
with our children that segues from a nurturing relationship to an
adult-adult friendship. As our children grow we celebrate their
independence, instead of prolonging control by "s-mothering."

The poignant, mixed blessing of motherhood is intertwined in
one of the final entries written by Beverly Cooke for A MOTHER’S TOUCH:

"When my first child left home, I felt the world had come
to an end. Little did I know I would feel the same when the last two
left. My neighbor said, ‘They are like birds and when they learn to fly
you must let them go.’ So I did. But I have always left a little
birdseed out . . ."