by Norman and Ann Bales

Why They Go Astray

Last week we began a series of studies on why children go astray. We identified the
following factors in our first installment.

1. The Influence of Peers

2. Academic Reasons

3. Desire For Independence

4. Poor Teaching From Parents

5. A Desire to Find Out Things for Themselves

6. Poor Parental Examples.

Today our list continues

THE INFLUENCE OF THE MEDIA

The media is an easy target, but I’m not sure we always play fair. Take the Internet
for example. Some people think banning the Internet from the home is the best solution to
insuring morality. Over the years, the same suggestion has been applied to books,
television, movies, comic books, music recording, dramas and just about everything else
people do for entertainment.

In each and every case, prohibition fuels a desire to sample forbidden fruits and
ignores the positive messages that can be conveyed by various forms of media. On the other  hand, if we pretend that no harm could possibly come from exposure to media influences, we  are incredibly naive. Parents have always needed to deal with harmful ideas, which are  packaged and sold to young people.

In the late nineteenth centuries, parents worried about dime store novels. In my youth,
I enjoyed a friendship with a “preacher’s kid.” He was not allowed to own
“funny books” (our name for comic books). He couldn’t wait to read mine when he
came to visit my house. Banning really didn’t work. He knew what was out there. The
problem is not exactly the same today. Technology and affluence have proliferated the
availability to material. Depictions of sex and violence have become so commonplace that
consumers demand ever-increasing levels of exposure to remain interested. On top of that,
we are inundated with troublesome materials.

Dr. George Gerbner, dean-emeritus of the Annenberg School of Communication at the
University of Pennsylvania worries because the “glut of media violence desensitizes
viewers and contributes to the mean world syndrome.”

The author of Proverbs wrote “Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his
clothes being burned?” (Proverbs 6:27). It would be a mistake to assume that our kids
will “get through it somehow” without guidance, discipline and even being told
“you’re not going to do that.” Several years ago, when my daughter was very
young, we were both feeling the effects of some kind of bug on Wednesday evening. In our  home Wednesday nights were set aside for “mid-week services.”

She and I stayed home, while the rest of the family attended services. We watched a
30-minute sitcom and had a lengthy discussion about the issues raised on the show. The
television program was a catalyst for communication. Some programs can still be used that  way today, but you have to take the time to sit down and talk.

DISAPPOINTING ROLE MODELS AND LEADERS IN THE CHURCH.

I (Norman) grew up with great respect for the people who provided leadership in the
church I attended. Most of the people I knew were honest, hard-working, Godly people. I  thank God that I grew up in that kind of environment. At some point in my upbringing,
however, I discovered that my role models were human. In my childhood they had seemed  larger than life. I thought they were capable of doing no wrong. No one could ever live up  to my mental image. Fortunately, I did not decide to give up on the church when I learned  they had feet of clay, but for some people that moment of disillusionment can be earth  shattering.

I (Ann) grew up with the same great respect for the most of the leaders in the church
where my family worshipped.   Many times I chose a role model that disappointed me in
many ways.   Several young people in our youth group were misguided and became bitter
as a result of the mistakes of their role models. I am very   grateful that I was able
to accept the fact that they were only human and they would have to answer for their
erring ways, not I. Many of   those young people are not faithful to the church today.
That is what really hurts. The greatest impact this has had on my life is   for me to
realize that as a child of God, someone is always watching me and I need to be the best
role model that I can possibly be.

When we are in the position of role modeling for the young people of the church, we
usually don’t realize how much influence we have on those who watch us. That can either be
positive or negative. It pays to remember the words of Jesus in Matthew 18:7 “Woe to
the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe
to the man through whom they come!”

THE LUST OF THE FLESH, THE LUST OF THE EYE AND THE PRIDE OF LIFE.

The poet, William Wordsworth, once wrote, “The world is too much with us.” If
that has ever been true in any age, it’s certainly true in our time. The world displays
its wares in an attractive package. It does a slick job of selling. While we may not love
the world, it’s safe to say that most of us flirt with it. Our children are especially
vulnerable to the world’s charms.

The apostle John wrote “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone
loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world-the
cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and
does-comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away,  but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” – 1 John

2:15-17. In James 4:4 the writer declared, “You adulterous people, don’t you know
that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of  the world becomes an enemy of God.”

What is the “world?” Don’t think of the world as mountains,   forests,  lakes and seas. When the Bible warns against the   influences of the world, an evil  world system of thought and values is in view – a system of living in opposition to God.  It’s false philosophy, false morality. It’s an ego-driven, pleasure seeking   approach  to life. It’s a worldview in which God is either considered non-existent or a peripheral  player. The “prince of this world” works diligently day and night to sell that  worldview to our young people.

DISAPPOINTING CHURCH EXPERIENCES.

People expect different things from the church. Some people expect to be served; others
expect an opportunity to serve. Some people expect to hear fiery denunciations of sinful
living; others expect to find healing for their sinful past. Some expect the church to
overlook their moral indiscretions; others expect the church to conduct a witch hunt and a  “scorched earth” campaign against those who don’t properly dot all the  “i’s” and cross all the “t’s”.

Some church members are undisciplined. Others have loose tongues and say hurtful things  without realizing the damage they are doing. We hear a lot about the hypocrites. I’m  convinced the real bona fide hypocrites are fewer in number than most people think, but  the presence of even one can have a destructive effect on the influence of the church.

When a young person grows up in a fellowship that’s most often remembered for church
fusses, divisions, name-calling, negative moral behavior and an atmosphere of complaining,  we shouldn’t be too surprised when they decide in adulthood to distance themselves from  the church.

MARRIAGE CONFLICT BETWEEN PARENTS.

Occasionally, we meet people who don’t attend church even though their parents were
always active and seemingly devoted. When we attempt to persuade their adult children to  renew their faith commitments, we feel like we might as well be talking to a stone wall.
They don’t want to have anything to do with the church or with the Christian faith. There  may be many reasons for their indifference, such as those we have already mentioned.  Sometimes, however, we hear a story of parental marriage conflict that was hidden from the  church and the world at large. They tell stories of conflict and coldness between their  parents. Sometimes such relationships are even abusive. The children reason, “If the  church did that to Mom and Dad, we don’t want any part of it.”

NEXT WEEK: “My Child Doesn’t Want to Walk with the Lord. What Can I do?”

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All About Families Newsletter

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