I received this in my email a couple days ago…(I know, I don’t always get to my email quickly), and felt it is important enough to pass on.

What follows my long rambling is a poem I first saw in an Ann Landers column, dated Jan 21, 1999. I saved it, and posted it on my website,
http://www.wulfcastle.com/bloodwulf/hotline.htm, along with free in America hotline numbers and crisis numbers, as well as links to further hotline number resources, for everything from Battered Women to Teen Crisis to Alcohol and Narcotics to Suicide to Cancer.

Domestic violence can happen to ANYBODY, as can any other kind of crisis. It can be found in every social class, every income level, and among all races. It can be found in families of all faiths. It can happen to career women, and to women who wear the title of homemaker. It can be someone in your own family, who has never spoken of what she endures.

Women stay for a variety of reasons…they learn powerlessness, they learn low self-esteem, they have no money, they are told it is their fault, or they fear for their lives if they do leave. (A woman is at the greatest risk of being murdered by her boyfriend or spouse when she leaves him). Also, one of the characteristics of domestic violence is social isolation: the abusing partner, out of jealousy and control, often systemetically cuts off all of her social contacts, until she has few friends, and little contact with them. A victim of domestic violence can also end up peniless and homeless when she leaves: I have worked at transitional housing shelters, and many, if not most of the women there had a history of being victimized by their husbands or boyfriends, and were fleeing the violence. Some had survived murder attempts by these men, and still bore nasty scars. Hospital emergency room records show that around HALF of all women coming through the ER are there because of or have a recent history of domestic violence. Of murder victims, for men, most are murdered by stranger or acquaintances. Women who are killed are most likely to be murdered by their husband or boyfriend.

Men can also be the victim of domestic violence, though the numbers are far fewer. They may be less likely to speak of it, for they face also the ridicule by others: men are supposed to be “in control”.

Victims of abuse are sometimes told to stay in the relationship, because it “can’t be all that bad”, or “it is your responsibility to save the marriage, and if you were a better wife he wouldn’t beat you”, or “it is a sin to divorce”, or “he is such a nice guy, you must be wrong about this”…

Many abusers can be “Jeckyl and Hyde”…one person to outsiders, another person entirely behind closed doors.

Do not ask “Why does she stay”? Ask instead “Why does he choose violence?”

It may take a number of tries for a woman to break free of the cycle of abuse. Do not disbelieve the sincerity of their pain or of their intent. She is literally often taking her life in her hands with this decision, and because of the tangled nature of the relationship, she still may, despite his viciousness, still love him and hope that things will get better. Unfortunately, though he may be contrite for a while, unless he also seeks help, the cycle usually continues.

The url of my website, with this poem and the hotline numbers, is http://www.wulfcastle.com/bloodwulf/hotline.htm
If you have further questions about this subject, I can be emailed at  
or at  

The poem expresses it very well. Please pass it on (even if you strip my letter from it). It may save a life.

Respectfully,

Wulf aka DayStarWarrior (Yahoo Chat) aka Coyote Lokison, LPN, LSW  
ICQ#4157842

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“I Got Flowers Today”

I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night, And he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn’t mean the things he said because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry, because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today, and it wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again And it was much worse than all the other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry, because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.

STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TODAY!!! DO NOT TOLERATE IT!!!!!